rich with nothing

i have nothing right now
yet
i have everything
i am rich
in my bankruptcy
i am bathing
in all the things
i do not have
wallowing
in all the things
i do
weeping with happiness
& laughing at my sorrow

26 days post op & 44 more to go before i can walk again.
below are some pages i have been messing from before & just after i broke my knee. i have more; i just haven’t scanned them in yet. i only recently found a way to hobble over to my scanner.
i spend a lot of time staring at the wall & not enough time doing art & writing.
also, i am reading about a novel a day….
bleah
and!
and…i am writing letters to an old obsession…. but he never writes back. so! on lives that obsession….

i’ve fallen & i haven’t gotten up

two weeks ago i fell off of a step ladder & broke my knee
monday i fell
tuesday i got around to going to the er
wednesday i went to an orthopedic surgeon
thursday i had surgery
now 10 weeks of non-weight bearing activity
believe you me
i have written plenty of pages about it & all the resulting epiphanies
however
i do not have internet at my house & it is difficult
to get out of the house & to the internet
so!
if anyone wants to donate money for internet
i got the paypal button on those pages for buying/donating….
otherwise
good things come to those who wait….

quixotic updates

i am working on this new ink on canvas tentatively titled “foxy.” i really like working on canvas & now that i am down to my last free canvas, i am thinking of buying more for future creations.
that bunny keeps hopping into my art lately. i have even started a children’s book starring him.
fun fact. after i wrote the text for said children’s book, i went to my sun porch, looked out the window, and watched three bunnies eating dandelions in my backyard. i stood & watched for at least ten minutes. if you have never watched a bunny eat a dandelion, you are totally missing out.

in other news, i went through all my journals looking for “fodder” for books & stories. i have decided to focus on one project at a time instead of being easily distracted & starting new projects without finishing old ones. after the children’s book illustrations are done, i will focus on finishing the text & doing illustrations for my novel, a better life through sock puppets.
i am trying to give myself credit for what i have achieved. i let myself be proud of the fact that i found so many random ideas & sketches worth working with! including the above gem from 2016.

so i am not moping. i am rebuilding that fucking tower & giving myself credit for doing a good job with it.
as they say in my home state of wisconsin–forward!

moving forward

so i finished an ink on canvas piece. it took a bit. i think i like it?

i also have been playing with tea staining my paper.

and thinking about future pieces. like the story about “bluejean & the moonfish” which these inkings are kind of exploring for character development of bluejean. i have been playing with this character since a watercolor course at uw madison in 2014. one of these days i will get her off the ground.

& i continue to mess around with “notta not-a-boy” while mulling over the final page (for now) of moses jones.

and don’t forget my novel in progress…i’m at 41,331 words.

up top: sea garden
ink on canvas
$200 (ish?)

tea-stains: guardian dear & character study
ink on water color paper 8X10
$45

trying new things

are we just bundles
of cells
hurtling through space
on some rock
whose movements
are all do to an attraction
to a ball of gas?
or is there
more….

crisis of faith. right? who’s with me? but if i don’t believe in something greater than myself…what then? it doesn’t help that i have at least two nihilistic little anarchists running around my house declaring there is no point to it all.

fuck a duck.

i am playing around with ink on canvas as i feel my scorpio’s need to keep on growing & transforming. i have a huge (like 3′ X 4′?) sized canvas i want to do a mural on. but first i am practicing on some canvases i have been hauling around with for almost 20 years.

also, i am going to write one (or two) more pages of moses jones before putting her away. i don’t know if she is done or not, but i want to focus on other projects so i am bringing her to a stopping point so i can move on.

there are a number of projects always whirling around in my brain. i think i need to just throw a dart, pin one down, and get busy.

fraud alert

seeing my books
on discount
hit me much harder
than i expected
i am already too fragile
of late
my exhibitionist
more exposed
than invisible me

i’m trying to fly instead of falling…but i just keep tripping over myself. what the what. i hate this. i guess i need to take a breath & not push me too hard…but i can’t let me slip backwards either.
in other news, i had to fire my handyman as i am sinking further & further into debt and guessing i have to figure out how to fix madness manor by myself?
so tired of doing things by myself….
and as getting by on my good looks is not panning out…i had to get a paying job, but at least it is working with plants. of course, now i have to worry that i am not actually qualified to work with plants….
there was a personality test with the job application. i was sure i blew the personality test. who the fuck would hire me?
but they did hire me.
why? i’m not sure i would hire me.
and after i post this, i am headed over to the viroqua public market to drop off more art because my drawer at home is overflowing. now my spot at the market will be overflowing…i only sold just one last month.
i googled how to promote myself….
fuck.
i peeked out…couldn’t find my shadow…and now i’m headed back into my hidey hole.

change is good.

so most of my art journal is about struggle
growth
change
moving forward
transformation
it is something i obviously feel strongly about
believing
if you are unhappy
you need to either accept
or change
and i am just not that good at accepting
the unacceptable
so i struggle
forward (on good days)
backwards (on bad days)
& sometimes i’m just moving in circles…

but change is good
so here is what i am going to try now. instead of finishing and posting my art journal pages, i will be posting finished versions of said pages which will be for sale. i am still art journaling like mad…i just have stopped inking/finishing the pages in my journal. instead, i use them as ways to get those demons moving about and then i use them again to make finished pieces of art. so now my art journal is looking more like this:


maybe i’m trying to conserve ink? maybe i’m just unmotivated? maybe i’ve inked so much that i no longer need to ink the roughs? like i kinda know what i’m doing?
but fret not! i will continue posting finished pieces with random thoughts.

“for this moment” 9X12 ink on watercolor paper…$45

xo

buy my art

i am currently working on more pieces for my etsy shop.
i am also half-assedly working on my novel & will be doing more pages of moses jones. these are two projects i am passionate about even though i wander away from them too frequently…i do wander back. i am not sure they appeal to others…but they do make me happy.
my journaling has once more ebbed…waned…but i will continue to keep my journal close. it might morph into more memoir writing? less of the vomited free verse & more of the spastic prose? i guess we will see. there are just three blank pages & one half-finished page left in my most recent journal, & it has been a few days since i have used it other than to make new pieces from old pages. i don’t want to give up my journal. i just might need to adjust my relationship with it as i seem to have entered a new phase of my ever-changing life.

to summarize, my posts here might be more sporadic, but i hope y’all will stay tuned.
xo.

our regularly scheduled program will continue…

i snuck away from madness manor to go to madeline island on lake superior this past week. i thought i forgot to pack my pens…but i did have them. not that camping & hiking & swimming & surviving the rain in a tent lends much time to writing & drawing….
i did learn that i do not ever want to go camping with my ex-husband ever ever ever again no matter how badly i feel for excluding him. no more.
it was a beautiful trip even though i was terribly homesick the entire time.

hopefully i will have new journal pages up soon!

side projects

one month from today
my second book (tangled together) hits the stands
(my book confusion perfume still available!)
also
working on a commission for a friend
as i scribble her face
using my photos of her from the 90s
and
working on a logo
for a group i am helping
bring to life
as my journal slows
i think about what to do
to keep myself
busy.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑