unlovable

i don’t want to be
alone
but i cannot imagine
anyone
loving me….

my broken bits shine in this one. it’s a deep fear of mine…or deep belief. i am working on rooting it out. as you will see in coming pages about my body image, mother image, and aging which affect and are affected by my feeling unlovable. hopefully i can exorcise this demon one day soon…or, entanglement of demons (the name of my next band.)

the narrative

it seems to me
that people need to believe
their own
narrative
so it’s not
that they aren’t
listening
to me
it’s that what i’m saying
does not fit
their narrative…
so
they hear me
but only so far
as it suits their story
anything else
turns to white
noise
&
misunderstandings….
maybe i can’t
change your narrative
but what happens
when i change
mine?

i think this is true of all areas of my life i am frustrated with. family relations, romantic relations, not conforming to the norm, being misunderstood over & over & over….
my story does not fit most people’s narrative.
hmmm….
i wonder how i can move forward with this understanding?
i do know, i need to work on changing my own narrative…especially the bit about being unloveable, not special, & not worth a fuck.
that story needs to change.

ps. i really like this illustration

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