three dreams

in three dreams now
i have been
on the last day
of my
island vacation
getaway
if i dream something
once
i may not think too hard
about it
but three times?
three dreams is my
subconscious
saying
“hey!”
so…
three times dreaming
of a holiday ending
can only mean
get back
to
work,
right?
time to focus
time
to make
this motherfucker
manifest.

i’m not sure what motherfucker. my family? my art? my inner work? all of it?
i’m still figuring that much out, but no more dreams of vacations ending recently, so i must be on the right track.
i have been journaling a lot about focus & clarity since i wrote this page…. i think the universe is pushing me towards that mountain of mine.

on a note about the illustration, i guess my catholicism is showing in that my image of the universe is very much a madonna image.

INKtober twenty-seventh

i don’t want
to feel
angry
every time i see a forever
couple
in love
i don’t want
to feel
sad
wondering what is wrong with
me
that i am denied
that perfect
beautiful
love
still…
i hold on
imagining strong arms around me
feeling that warm embrace
knowing love evades me
i am doomed
to am amazing
inner
life
& an empty
outer
one.

i do not know what is going on here. it appears my vagina is a black hole vomiting stars. okay.
i draw what comes into my head.
sometimes i have an idea.
sometimes the idea has me.
as always, you are welcome to analyze my art & let me know what my subconscious is trying to say.

in my head

sometimes
i wonder
if i have become unhinged
adrift
unglued from reality
if i am actually
buried neck deep
in snow
or sand
maybe at the bottom of the ocean
or the end of the universe
dreaming
my
life
naked in line at the bank
a double agent
a grave robber
drifting
through another time & place
while
somehow
still anchored here
collecting eggs
&
watching sunsets.

 

down the mountain with an armadillo

i don’t know what’s going on in this picture
i don’t know what’s going on in my own life
sometimes i feel at one with the universe
sometimes i want to scream until my voice is gone
maybe i want to scream
because i am one
with the universe
why isn’t the universe screaming?
or maybe it is
& we just aren’t listening.
maybe i can feel it screaming
and that is why i am so angry.

i just want to paint. to draw. to not feel so angry.
and i have a son
who is the essence of his father
i catch myself having the same
arguments with him
that i would have with his father
the same circle
discussions
accusations
frustrations
ending in screams
because we don’t know how to do this
i don’t want to hate my son
i do not hate my son
i just hate the circumstances
that create the chaos
that i find myself in.

well,
that makes about as much sense
as my picture.
so we have come full circle.

fuck.
here is the ink stain i started with:

inkstainarmadillo

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