the better to eat you with

“you’re so pretty”
they say
“thank you”
i reply
“but listen to this….”
& i pour
out
my heart
every enchanted thought
waiting for them
to be dazzled
by my rhinestone
soul
“you have a beautiful
smile”
they say
as they see my lips
move
without
hearing a word
“my smile is a reflex”
i tell them
when i feel
frustrated
angry
overlooked 
misunderstood
invisible
my smile shines 
as my inner light
diminishes
“you have nice eyes” 
they tell me
i sigh 
“the better to see you with”
i reply
just before 
i eat them up
wondering how
they did not notice my sharp teeth
while they were admiring
my smile.

this is another shower thought–meaning, i thought of it while i was in the shower & then had to memorize it in order to get it written down before it slipped down the drain. 
i need a voice recording device in my shower. except then i would never listen to it because i have that common aversion to my own voice.
so i need a chalkboard in my shower. 

also, i think this poem could go longer & have more to it. my art journal project limits my original thought to the length of one page with room for an illustration.
however, in editing, i can always elaborate. 
i think this one might need some elaboration.

okay. so my to-do list has me working on creating a finished, publishable version of my art journal. right now i am focusing on re-creating the art for it and later will look for the written pages. 
also, i am working on editing & putting together a collection of short stories for publication.
why am i telling you this? because, for the past year or more i have posted almost daily, sometimes three times a day. but now, with all this editing & finishing, i am not posting as much. 
but i don’t want y’all to wander off & forget about me. 
i hope to get posts up a few times a week. i will definitely be posting finished art journal illustrations as they are done. 

okay. 
let’s get into trouble, baby. 

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who do you think you are?

stand up for yourself
so i can push you over
knock you down
think better of yourself
but no–not so much
what? you think
you’re better than me?
hold your head high
there. that makes it easier
for me to punch you
when you least expect it
why do girls like you
always date assholes
instead of nice guys
like me?

because….
with an asshole, at least
you know know what you’re
in for….

i got expressive figure drawing by bill buchman. i regret i never took a figure drawing class. i mean, i know the basics…but i need a lot more work. a class would have been fun. so i got this book. i haven’t read it yet, but i did do a self-portrait using the sketch on the front of the book after writing this poem.
the poem is inspired by lots of things…mostly by my own experiences with men feeling simultaneously attracted to & threatened by my strengths, my independence, & all those things about me i won’t apologize for.
i have a profile up over on okcupid–to basically just meet people & have conversations…maybe build some bridges…and now more than one guy has seen my profile as a challenge?

to you fuckers who think i’m some kind of challenge, something for you to conquer–fuck the fuck off.

pages one, two, & three

i wrote the following poem/facebook post for my new moon manifestation

internet dating
with it’s oozing
toxic
masculinity
both the profiles
(sports! sports! & sports!)
and the interactions
(ass-hole-io!)
have caused me to swear off men…
a new moon
(new beginnings!)
& an eclipse
(feminine moon blocks out masculine sun)
methinks i should explore
the ambidextrous nature
of my heart.

so ever since i said i’m not dating men anymore, men keep approaching me via facebook. friend requests, message requests, and–today–one “god fearing” man offered himself to me (or any other of the single ladies) on a post i had written about how much internet dating sucks ass. i suspect my frequent postings about internet dating has put me on some sort of demented facebook singles page.
gross.
what really really really pisses me off is that not a one of them took the time to see who i am. seriously? all my information is right there–pagan anarchist single woman seeking other women. how difficult is that to research?
do you research, fellas.
i’m done.
so done.
i just want to do art. hang with my minions & other critters here. contemplate the mysteries of the universe…and not be a single lady.
no more.
i am not single.
i am complex. and amazing. and wonderful.

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