comfortably conflicted

i am comforted
by the idea
of falling apart
hence
my conflict

more on that tower card conflicting me & my trying to figure out what the fuck…. i am more comfortable falling apart than i am feeling whole. this is a conflict to my healing.

what goes up

i’m up up up
again
worrying
again
about the fall
down down down
but
wait
have i learned
from my last
swan dive
have i learned
that
it’s not always
true
what goes up
must fall
back
down?

so i know i will have my ups and downs…i’m just hoping a time comes when i can go up, without then plummeting down due to my issues. lately i seem to be growing, blooming, gaining insights & praises…moving in a forward movement.
which sometimes (most times) backfires into my taking a nose dive into my dark place.
so here is my hope that i can go up without melting off my wings & crashing…. right?

the inking was reminding me of the illustrations found on old school sewing patterns…hence the scissor wings.

flying colors

my past
is no longer
my prison
shackles
holding me
in place
my past
is a test
i have passed
with flying colors
y’all
i am
flying
colors.

this kind of goes a long with my post a new day. it is my new way of looking at things. i need to keep reminding myself.

in addition to continuously working on relationships & my bamboo pen skills, i am also continuing to work on my figure drawing skills. i have a few figure drawing books, and when i’m not looking at cocks & boobs, i am really trying to get better at figure drawing. i know i have problems with it. i would list them for you, but i am practicing not drawing attention to my shortcomings. mum’s the word.

so!
figure drawing & remembering that my past–though it has sucked ass–it has made me the awesome fucking person i am today who is able to draw herself falling–no, flying.

finding medusa

i’ve spent a lot of today working on my collection of short stories that i hope to publish.
so far i am calling it walk with me.

then i took a break to doodle medusa. (doodling medusa…that would be a good title for something!)
which brings me to the proclamation of how much i fucking love writing. creating. making entire universes and breathing characters alive.
and there are stories everywhere.
just waiting to be plucked & polished.

i feel like i am blooming.
as an artist…as a writer…as a person.
it’s very exciting.

and a nice change from moping.

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