Tag: the invisible exhibitionist

new moon on monday

i had a dream this morning that i was being challenged by another mom on my momming choices.
i chose a less conventional approach to motherhood, and she was telling me that everyone else did it this other way.
but i didn’t care.
i was confident that i was doing right in my choices.

when i woke up…this somehow transferred to my artistic choices.
as my favorite art instructor asked me, “is this what you really want to be doing?”
a question that i now apply to most of my life
& ask myself again today about my art & writings
while applying the message of my dream…
confidence in my dancing down the road less travelled
to a beat of my own.

it’s a new moon on monday, y’all.
a powerful new moon from what i have read.
all new moons are good for fresh starts
this one seems even more powerful?

in the spirit of this new moon
i present to you my collection of writings
& the assurance that i am just getting started….
soon they won’t all fit in one camera shot 🙂

also! more messages from the universe via homemade business cards:

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the invisible exhibitionist

the invisible exhibitionist was, in part, my response to social media. being a highly sensitive introvert, social media was especially difficult for me. why was everyone happy but me?
so instead of posting selfies with perfect hair, i inked how i saw myself, warts & all. instead of photos of my delicious meal or fantastic vacation, i posted free verse that glorified all of my short comings as a mother. as a daughter. as a friend & lover. 

i didn’t want to show everyone how well i was doing, i wanted to reassure others that they were not alone in their struggles.

the invisible exhibitionist is available through lulu.com or contact me for an autographed copy. 

image is “feral” one of the self-portraits from my book

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art showing!

so i have art hanging at a local very hip cafe called magpie gelato.
it’s pretty exciting for me. it has been a long time since i have put my art in a frame.
and then, this spring-ish, my art will be in a book!

the invisible exhibitionist

so much is happening.
& best of all, i am excited about it instead of terrified!

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the door out of the darkness

emerge from the dark
go through that open door
fly higher
urges the hawk

yesterday i was talking to a friend about the invisible exhibitionist
telling the story once more about how i first became invisible
i was the fourth of six children; i was the third of four daughters.
i was a quiet child.
once i asked my mother why my younger sister got whatever she wanted. “the squeaky wheel gets the grease,” my mom answered.
rightfully so–this pissed me off. it made me more determined not to be a squeaky wheel but to earn reward by my own merit & my own hard work. to be noticed for being remarkable…not for being loud & obnoxious.
so i waited quietly for said reward.
sigh.
i have stayed invisible all my life out of spite…and no one has noticed.
now i find myself unwilling to promote myself for the same (misguided?) reason.
i don’t want to get noticed just for being the fucking squeaky wheel. i want to be noticed for being amazing….

additionally!
my latest meditation revealed that not only am i afraid to be noticed. but also i have purposely hidden myself for fear that if i am somehow noticed, i will be deemed unworthy of attention. i am more comfortable in the dark than i am in the light.

i knew this on some level already, but now i feel it is time to drag that belief out and really work it over.

my energy worker told me i am all twisted up right now.
maybe it is time for me to twirl myself out into the light.

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coming soon!

tara over at raw earth ink sent me a sample of things to come for my next publication
the invisible exhibitionist!
so exciting!
for you who weren’t with me from 2017 through 2019, i was obsessively inking self-portraits & vomiting free verse in an attempt to root out the damage that kept me broken.
i wrote about everything & anything that went through my head or that i felt inside me.
i exorcised as many demons as i could find
& ended up making friends with a few of them.
i did almost 500 pages of self-portraits.
during 2020, i hung up a show at a local art spot & more than one person told me it should be a book.
so!
it’s going to be a book.
every time i read what i wrote back then, it makes me cry all over again. i was a raw as i could be.
and i share that rawness in hopes that someone who needs to see it will. in hopes that i can help at least one person not feel alone.
i am looking forward to seeing it all together in one book.

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