knowledge is power….
in my new embracing of my comic life…i am starting to take my odd or quirky thought & turn it into a comic. because, fuck it, i think i’m funny.
here is today’s….
my therapist is helping me a lot with my mothering struggles. he seems to be on my side. which is nice for a change. he says it’s okay that i lose my mind every once in awhile. he tells me i’m only human, & i’ve been trying to dig myself out of this ditch for a long time.
it’s weird that he is so nice to me. i’m not used to being validated.
meanwhile, i keep my eyes open for the julie andrews to my christopher plummer….
& over on my patreon site:
have i ever felt
i am never going to win
i wail to the moon
a new moon
in the clouds &
trying to renew…
i’m never going
as if this is a game
i have been busy. writing. arting. surviving. i keep on drawing because i do not want to drown in my own emotions.
i am now gainfully employed…ish
working just part time
so the minions & my art stay
but my art is not as insistent
as my minions
until i find myself going
a little bit
for neglecting it.
i am enjoying playing with my own style
as well as accepting that it is
what it is…
i look forward to doing some finished pieces–but that might have to wait until i am a bit more finished myself…at least as far as housing goes.
i’m staring out the window of a bus
a bus parked forever more
in the hills of western wisconsin
clouds, forests, wildflowers, birds, & bugs (so many bugs)
are right outside my window
& all i feel
unable to move forward
because renting requires income
getting a loan requires income
& i am on a bus
with four kids
my ex-husband trying to lure me
back to him
back to life
in an apartment
& each day
i think a little more seriously
to make sure my kids
have a roof over their heads….
i just wish i could look at this amazing view
& feel free
& feel inspired
& feel hopeful
but right now
i have no idea
how to be
how to be
though i am not posting as much as i usually do as i am struggling with depression right now as well as the instability of being homeless–er, between homes, rather….
but i will try to get pen to paper & get some new posts up over there soon.
while trying to convince the dad to move away
leaving a “commonwealth” scam
leaving a doorstep haunted by a predatory woman
leaving a sadness that soaked my bones
just leaving, i begged
i tried to to convince the dad to move away
far away from his predatory “other woman”
he would not leave her
i agreed on a rental that would not be open until
the end of
summer of 2015, between homes
crashing, house-sitting, visiting relatives
only to land again
in my own
i have been thinking of that summer, if only to remind myself that i have been “between homes” with four children before…& survived.
i am hoping that this time i do not land again in my own sadness.
the dad has been trying to convince me to come live with him again….
what insanity would that be?
i have broken free of him & to give up that freedom would surely mean the end of me…
but, i might have to turn to him for temporary shelter. i am trying to find other options, but having a safe place for the minions to be trumps all other concerns. & where the minions go….
i’m trying to be excited about a change, even an uncertain one. i mean, i am excited about it…but also worried sick. i turn every scenario over & over in my head. i do everything in my head, first, preparing myself for anything unexpected.
this is how i survive.
to help support my traveling circus & our search for a forever home, check out my patreon page where i am working on character development of a comic book hero who has been in my head for about five years now….
and being a patron of mine of the $5 a month or more, gets you personalized art postcards like these:
i did my tarot on the last night before my kids came back having forgotten to do it the other days they were away. i was tired & thought about skipping my monthly check-in with the universe via tarot, but in the end, i lit candles, shuffled my deck, and asked for guidance.
rebirth was my first card. the card representing me at this time. rebirth is also judgement. the past shaping the present. a time for moving forward with new resolution.
next came the delusion card. it is what is challenging/crossing me at this time. delusion….
i didn’t know what it was, but now i am guessing it represents the house i thought i was going to rent. the house that, as of yesterday, sold to someone else.
a decision that did not work out….
in the “present situation” position of my tarot spread came my very most favorite card. one i have not seen in quite awhile.
the warrior card!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
present situation…kicking ass & taking names…er, rather, forward moving energy. mastering adverse circumstances through my determination & courage. confronting fears.
fears like living way off the grid with four kids & a bucket to poop in…which is what is happening since our rental fell through.
i mean, on one hand, i like the idea of an adventure & the experience of living in a very unconventional way…on the other hand, i am having difficulty imagining that happening with four kids.
i do have the generous offering of a free space to camp while i look for a more permanent situation. so i should feel blessed for that. and it is summer. the best time to camp.
and once i have a roof over our heads, i’m sure we will look back on this time & have a good talk with our therapist(s) about it.
(i would like to point out that the present situation card has a badger on it which is the state animal of wisconsin–where i am moving to–so that seems to be lining up.)