little silver audi (don’t try this at home)

one night
i got into a fast
little
silver audi
with a stranger
who said
i was different
& strange
& funny…
& we drove top speed
through the dark
highways
of dallas texas
& i heard dido sing
on his radio…
it was the first time
i had ever heard her sing
he never told me his name
that dark-haired boy
but i made it home alive
despite myself
& none the wiser
for having driven off with a strange man
in a fast car
through the dark streets
of dallas texas.

this is a strong memory for me.
for a lot of reasons. i hesitated to share it because it sounds like the opposite of a fable. like i am encouraging other adventurous young women with low self-esteem to hop into fast cars with boys unknown….
i’m not doing that. it was surely a bad idea. and years later this habit of mine did get me molested by a creepster named chester who drove much more slowly.

but.

wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where a vulnerable person did not have to worry about hopping into a car with someone just to go on an adventure? a world where women and other vulnerable peoples weren’t automatically classified as victims? if something had happened, the stranger wouldn’t have been blamed, i would have been blamed for hopping naively into a car with an unknown–as my boyfriend blamed me years later when the creepster molested me after i took a drive in his car with him.

i dunno.

this is a stupid world we live in.

and i find myself wondering if i got into the cars of strange men, trusting them at their word that it was just a car ride, because i am naive…because i am self-destructive…or because i am an adventurous person who secretly believes in a better world.

d. i suppose, all of the above.

 

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