sweet sadness

more from my egon schiele series…. i am thinking about branching out…or returning to van gogh. any suggestions for artists i should play with?

note to my viewers…i spend very little time working on these (i know it shows) as i have four kids and incredibly busy days with them & all the livestock & garden…sigh. so my artwork is rushed.
plus this is an art journal series that i am doing in an actual journal on crappy journal paper.
if i ever get around to it, i plan to do a finished series of these pages on watercolor paper.

ps. fidgit says it looks like she’s (i’m) trying to fart.

picture this

i am enjoying using egon schiele’s work as inspiration for my own…or, you know, flat out ripping him off….

May 28, 2018 2

always

but here’s the thing
you aren’t
the only one
i’ve loved
however
you are
the only one
i still love
the only one.
everyone
everyone else
i flush away
seemingly
without a second thought
but you
you stay
if i look in my heart
you are always
always there.

my drawing style is kind of bugging me right now.
i feel like my ocd figures in too much
i want to be looser…hmmm
as picasso said, “It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.”
i have no interest in painting like raphael, but i would love to be able to be more childlike in my art.

yesterday a drawing done by my friend usama alshaibi inspired me (after making me jealous) to play around with my style.
i also leafed through my journal and saw that not all of my drawings bug the fuck out of me. some of them i would even call good. but i think it is still good to play with style & to keep evolving my art….

before i got annoyed with my style, i was working on a new comic story. instead of paneling a page ahead of time, i am now just paneling as i go. it is more fun & much easier. however, now i am not sure i want to use this style of drawing for the story. so progress is paused….

February 25, 2018 4

ragdoll

so much of my life
spent
punishing myself
by choosing
& letting myself be chosen
by the wrong people
people who will hurt
& belittle
cut me down
make me feel
like i think
i deserve to feel
the rest of my life
spent
recovering
finding myself
seeking out people
& using equal energy
to push them away again
creating for myself
a comfortable limbo
of isolation
now
i wonder
what comes next?

another one largely influenced by egon schiele

i left this page largely empty for a reason. i was debating a background…but decided empty worked with the sentiment of the page. i might change my mind and go back in for a background. any thoughts? also, on this blog, i am making the pictures smaller. is this better or worse? should i go back to making them the featured image?

i guess on this art journal self-portrait journey of healing there will be a lot of diving into my sexual history & my romantic heart. both were influenced by the abuse i suffered. both shaped me into the person i am today.
i know it might be uncomfortable…& too much information…but i feel i would be remiss to gloss over this large chunk of my life & personality even if the catholic inside of me is completely horrified by my sharing of this information.

February 19, 2018 1

in my next life

i have let you go
so many times
i am not sure
i know how
to hold on
i have spent so much
so much
of my life
trying to get you
out
of my heart
what if the door
has finally
closed
but it’s okay
you know
it’s okay
if you never come back
if you never
come back to me in this life
i always have my next life
i know in my next life
i will get it right
in my next life
you will be
mine.

wow. with my scanner you can actually read my journal now. you don’t have to trust that i am transcribing my crazy correctly. now you can read it.

yes, this picture was inspired by egon schiele so much that i basically ripped off one of his self-portraits…but made it me.

stealing like an artist.

February 9, 2018 0

day three INKtober

okay–so i was going to stick to one color with my initial practicing of ink & brush. but then i saw this picture of a squid and the colors were so amazing so i just had to fuck that up.
ha!
i once took a water color class, and there was this girl in it who could paint photo perfect watercolors. they were totally amazing and took her days & days to finish. i could do like 10 watercolors in the time she did one. more even. that’s me. that’s my style & my nature. i work fast & sloppy.
ironically, the piece of hers i liked the best, was one that was in disarray because it was not done yet–that’s the one i would have bought.
i mentioned that i am in a facebook inktober group–so my feed is full of inkings by other people. some are alright. some are crap. some are amazing. and i am all like, “i want mine to be amazing!!”

then i have to remind myself that my art is my art and has something of me to it–whether others think it is amazing or not.
plus, i think if i find other’s art inspiring, i should try to incorporate–aka “borrow”–aka “steal like an artist”–aspects that i find amazing.
challenge myself.

but, one step at a time. right now i am challenging myself to work only in ink brush.

for a bit anyway.

ps.
fidgit is doing INKtober with me. i am posting his to the same group i am in. so far, he gets way more facebook likes than i do.
you know what? i am totally okay with that. i want him to be a better artist than me. i want him to have the encouragement & opportunities that i did not.
he is amazing.

October 3, 2017 2