embracing chaos

embrace me
make me yours
embrace me
pull me under
embrace me
for you are

after drawing this i realized it looks a lot like a portrait of my mother that hung on our wall all through my childhood. a portrait from when she was young & full of hope? was my mother ever hopeful?

after finding myself so angry at the chaos around me. goats jumping fences. chickens digging where i can’t have them digging. then escaping when i try to pen them. goats jumping other fences. children. children. children being children.
maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.
embrace the chaos.
do not fight it anymore.
let the chaos embrace me.

don’t ask about okcupid.
it’s gotten ugly.
that might just be me. feeling the angst of shallow waters. wading around when i want to be deep sea diving.
speaking of shallow places, i am back on the facebook. but for a good reason! remember my illustrations for mistress of mud? (if you don’t, there is a link up yonder)
so i illustrated a book for a friend, and that book is ALMOST ready for me to publicize & promote! yay!
but i had to go back on facebook to do so.
don’t worry…i will do it here as well.


i so need help

can you not see me?
can you not
hear me?
or do you

here’s another from last week’s severe depression. as you can see, (maybe?) it has been illustrated now that i have a little levity to my mood.
i assure you…when i wrote it i was in the depths of one of those funks where i don’t want to die…but i don’t want to be alive either.
a fucked up place to be.

see…my life overwhelms me. i mean, that is understating it…but my life overwhelms me. i feel like i am wrapped in squid five miles underwater. my life overwhelms me. i know other moms have done it. i know other women have done it. i know other people have survived worse…but my life overwhelms me.

…& i don’t want to do it alone.

zen garden

social media is a blessing & a curse to people like me. i like having that connection. that easy connection. i like being able to share my thoughts and be inspired by others.

but holy crap. the negativity can suffocate you. the mass negativity. it’s devastating. the specific & personal attacks are even more devastating. seems people are quick to judge, quick to point fingers, quick to react when it can be done in a space such as social media.

i’m guilty too. yes.

so i’m dropping out of groups on facebook that have any sort of angle other than sharing information. and even then, i want it to be information about things that cannot turn political or social. plant identification. i’m still in that group. permaculture…i’m there, but maybe that is pushing it?

today i went on facebook. such a bad habit. i use it for news & entertainment. such a bad habit. but it can be fun and there are people i love there and it is such an easy platform for my art…

it is like an amplifier of what is wrong with us. as a country? as a people? everyone is turned against everyone else. my parents did this. they pitted us against each other because it was easier to control us that way. and that is what our country is. we are all turned against each other. we largely leave alone the group of people we should actually be fighting, and we fight among ourselves.

so fucking fucked up.

i know i am guilty of it as well.

but what would it look like, if we negotiated, compromised, worked together to create laws and guidelines to our society that largely benefited everyone. everyone.
healthcare for everyone.
clean food & water for everyone.
a decent wage for everyone.
equal rights–seriously–for everyone.
better energy for everyone.

you know who it benefits if we are all sick & dying. starving & desperate? you know who it benefits if our environment is destroyed in the name of big oil & corporate greed?

no one. not even the fuckers raking in the money. no one benefits. i don’t care if there is some bunker somewhere where they plan to wait out the collapse of society & the environment. who wants to live in a bunker? seriously.

so that’s what’s on my mind today.
as i shower.
as i ink.
as i bake scones.

you, me, the rest of the world. let’s work together. really. what could it hurt? what do we have left to lose?