rage & sorrow

i don’t know which way is up.
it’s a bad time of year for me.
my mom’s burial…the anti-versary of being molested on the exact same day my dog died…the fourth of july…my dad’s birthday…then my birthday….
i’m hoping to stabilize by mid-july?

ocean of tears

why do i feel
so heavy
why do i feel
like i am made
of lead
sinking further
into the earth
with each
step
i cannot
even
lift
my
head
how heavy am i?
how heavy is this?
is
sorrow
made
of
stone?
loneliness is
density is
an anchor
on my soul
dragging me
to depths
where the weight of this
ocean
of
tears
will finally
crush
me.

sometimes i feel like it has all been said before. like even i have said it all before. of course there is probably a good reason there is a universal suffering. a human condition. but at least i painted a pretty picture to go with it.

today i called on both my dodo bird & my giant squid. (two of my power animals)

anti-versaries

ah crap. it’s september…such a wonderful month for fall smells & sights…and the anti-versary of
meeting my first big love/heartbreak/betrayal
marrying my first husband
& meeting my last big love/heartbreak/betrayal

no wonder i feel like a big bag of hopelessly crappy crap.

fuck you, september
(please stop being hot now & at least give me some 70 degree weather)

image from an art class…moses jones as an archangel, slaughtering dusy–or, you know, the devil.

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