blooming

okay. no wait, this one’s my favorite. wow. i really like this inking that i did. right? green. and weird. i mean, why is a monkey wearing a hummingbird outfit?
i love this one.
it’s in the top three if not my very most favorite.

blooming1

blooming, i called it.

i am blooming. look at me bloom.
i mean, i still have buckets & buckets of issues, but i no longer feel like a complete mess. an incomplete mess? ha!

blooming2

tomorrow is the winter solstice. the shortest day of the year followed by the longest night. our ancestors would light fires and pray for the sun to return. and it would. every year, without fail. and i bet it will this year as well…despite an impending trump presidency. the light will return.

and with the light, hope.

hope.

i have buckets and buckets of that as well.

changing of the seasons

today
like every day of late
i struggle
between the dark
& the light.
as the days grow
shorter
i grow
darker.
this is a difficult time of year
for me.
all growing up,
the holidays were times
of more childhood trauma.
then my dad went into rehab
when i was 17
right in time for the holidays.
i didn’t want him to come back
and dreaded visiting him
staring at the houses full of holiday cheer
on our drive to dysfunction.
then as a grown-up
my brother died
right in time for the holidays.
then,
like when i was a kid
a messed up family life
became that much more obvious
with the holidays
when all other families seem so…
so normal…
in a good way
and all i feel is empty & lost….

this year i am trying
to swim my way back to the light
even as the days grow darker
with the season.
this year i want to fight
the dark that creeps
crawls
grasps at my soul.

this year i don’t want to just
survive
the holidays.
i want to thrive.
and i want to show my children
that there is light
in the darkness.

(my ink stain)

inkstainpan

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