fickle & demented

fickle heart
demented mind

i am the moon
shining with my own
light
don’t listen
when the sun says
i am merely
reflecting his
this is
my light
& i shine
magical
fickle mind
demented heart

so what
maybe i am the one
who gave the sun
the idea
that i am merely
reflecting
his light
but
it is not true
& from now on
i will
totally
make my
own.

something is off with my words. i have been writing pages, but struggling with the words. i decided to go ahead & finish the pages & hope to maybe one day come back & get the words right.

sometimes i can see things in my head, but i have trouble translating them to paper.

or i’m glitching.

my dreams have been mad things lately. and though i am enjoying the perpetual autumn–there might be need for a deep & cleansing freeze to get me back in the rhythm of things.

also, my tarot cards warned me of treachery that would lead to sorrow & loss. so i’m a bit on edge.

this page is influenced by my lately super edgy feelings of angst towards men. men shining with my light–but saying i shine with theirs…something like that. i do like how the illustration turned out. i’m glad i decided to finish the page–despite feeling i have not communicated what i was trying to communicate….

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speaking of damaged masterpieces…

when i did this american gothic self-portrait in my art journal last summer, i did it with some free verse about corporate farming.
however,
as i draw & paint a final draft of it today, i feel like it is a commentary on patriarchy.

i really love love love how it turned out. i worked really hard on it, praying the whole time i would not fuck up nor would i be attacked my crazed minions. at one point misha was chasing bluejean around my feet as i worked, and i had the foresight to step away and wait for her game to move away from my desk.
my art skills seem to be cooperating with my ideas these past few days. (thank you art fairies!)

so
mansplaining and the whole phenomenon of men just feeling the need to tell me how to live my life. men thinking they know me better than i know me.
fuck a duck, y’all.
i might be lost, but goddammit i am not asking a man for directions.
as much as i love y’all for having cocks & all–don’t act like one.
i will burn this motherfucker down.
i’ve got the match.

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