what it is to be quixotic

ever since i realized i no longer identify as an invisible exhibitionist
i have wondered what else about me has changed
like
am i still quixotic?
a quick search reports quixotic as meaning: extremely idealistic; unrealistic and impractical. 
i always tell people it means “delusionally hopeful”
i even gave my fourth son
who came into my life by accident, not planning
the middle name “quixotic”
because i thought “serendipitous” would be too obvious
going through with a fourth pregnancy when dirt poor
in an abusive relationship
& struggling with motherhood,
felt hopeful in a delusional way….
& i guess unrealistic & impractical…
but is that bad? it sounds bad
maybe i should re-think my quixotic ways?
hmmm
i thought about changing the name of this website/blog to something less quixotic
but i am pretty sure
that even on my deathbed
i will be dreaming of ways to really fuck those windmills up….

more messages from the universe in process:

up top: “don quixote rides again” 8X8 mixed media on watercolor paper…$55

see what i can see

my scrying in inkstains to make art is like reading the tea leaves of the universe.
but that’s how i do things, i’m always trying to find the hidden messages.
maybe it will make sense.
maybe it won’t, but at least there will be a story to tell.

comic art therapy

i have been brainstorming this comic for a week or more. which mostly means i doodle faces while i binge-watch shows (my kids are at their dad’s.)

it is still very much a work in progress…but i do like to share my process with y’all.
i have decided on five main characters…five reluctant mothers.
fun fact, the working title for this comic was: motherfucking twats & cunts. so i think i did manage at least to make it a little more accessible by changing the name to reluctant mothers.
the characters are based on mythological creatures…but they are everyday mums as well.

as always, if you want to support my art & creations, you are welcome to donate funds towards my struggles. you can find paypal information on my love for sale page as well as my artist for hire page, and a ko-fi donation link is on my me (nutshelled) page.
along with notta not-a-boy, i will be exorcising my motherhood demons along side my gender demons via comic art therapy.

and i have also been playing with the idea of revivifying my old comic weener’s coop to continue exorcising my intentional community demons….

and i am still working on my novel.
oh, and i’m a mom…living in a fixer-upper who needs fixing up…sigh.
stay tuned

feral

i have been enjoying doing ink on canvas. it is a different process. i have to think more about what i am doing. i guess i’m exercising a new part of my art brain.
this one was inspired by a journal page. i’m not exactly sure what is going on. i keep staring at it & trying to figure the story out.
my art is always always always about the story.
speaking of which. i have been doing some brainstorm doodling. i am on the verge of a new comic (that might be a mishmash of many other ideas from other stories playing in my head these past seven years.) right now it is percolating…& doodling….

up top: “veronica”
16×20 inking on canvas
$200 plus shipping

change is good.

so most of my art journal is about struggle
growth
change
moving forward
transformation
it is something i obviously feel strongly about
believing
if you are unhappy
you need to either accept
or change
and i am just not that good at accepting
the unacceptable
so i struggle
forward (on good days)
backwards (on bad days)
& sometimes i’m just moving in circles…

but change is good
so here is what i am going to try now. instead of finishing and posting my art journal pages, i will be posting finished versions of said pages which will be for sale. i am still art journaling like mad…i just have stopped inking/finishing the pages in my journal. instead, i use them as ways to get those demons moving about and then i use them again to make finished pieces of art. so now my art journal is looking more like this:


maybe i’m trying to conserve ink? maybe i’m just unmotivated? maybe i’ve inked so much that i no longer need to ink the roughs? like i kinda know what i’m doing?
but fret not! i will continue posting finished pieces with random thoughts.

“for this moment” 9X12 ink on watercolor paper…$45

xo

show your work

every once in awhile i start fucking around with further developing/diversifying my style. i have been using an ink brush for quite awhile now, but recently i started practicing (again) the chinese/japanese style of using said brush. here are more pages devoted to that.

one of the many things i like about sumi-e is that white space is an important part of the work.

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