the storm

standing in the rainstorm
accepting
i am powerless
wind whipping
blowing against me
speaking to me
urging me to listen
i hesitate
…i hesitate
i wish i did not
hesitate
to follow the urging
of the wildness
of the storm
urging me to follow
my own
wildness
to pay no attention
to those who might
judge me
to run free
…i will not hesitate
again.

hopefully i will not hesitate again. when i wrote this, i felt pretty sure…but i worry i am not as bold as i pretend to be. i guess time will tell.
i wrote this the day after the flood as i stood on my porch & watched (& participated in) yet another rainstorm. the last serious one for now. i felt i needed to be out in the storm, to interact with the water, so that the creek would not feel it was necessary to come visit me again.
i am happy to report my yard is finally drying up after a week of beautiful weather.
i am no longer afraid of a sinkhole opening up in my lawn.

day seventy-two

day seventy-two at madness manor
& the creek
came for a visit
i watched
helplessly
worst case scenarios
playing on loop
in my head…
the water didn’t care
it came up
from the ground
it came over the bridge
just to let me know
how powerless
i am
just to let me know
what’s important
& how
ultimately
i just need to let go
to trust.

so super scary! i knew going in there would be some flooding, & i would get water in my basement…but to actually watch the creek rise…& rise…& not stop rising until it was knocking on my backdoor….
scary as fuck.
water is a powerful element, y’all.

that last one is my backyard.
i am so so so very grateful there was no real damage–just mud in my basement & things knocked around by the water.
i don’t know how often this will happen. a city worker told me that the bridge is at fault & needs to be widened.
thing is, i live in a valley with a creek and when heavy rains come, they wash off of all those hills & into the creek & the water comes from near & far to accumulate right by my house.
& these days, the heavy rains come more & more often.

nevertheless, i still feel lucky to live here.
i still love madness manor–more even now that i have seen her handle this flood.

day 25 & i get to take a shower

just in time
for cooler temperatures
when dips in the creek
are not so desirable
i finally have
a hot water heater
in madness manor

i made a little garden
with some plants grown
at a local greenhouse
my first garden
at madness
manor
and seeded the yard with clover
for a happier lawn

with no kitchen
still
to speak of
here is one way
we get our food
& entertainment

all in all
we have survived
25 days
at our new home
amidst
the madness

nesting (day 17)

day seventeen at my shambles
of a nest
&
i see his fabulous nest
& though i do not think of him
as a potential mate
i look at him
preening
in front of his
fabulous nest
& think
hmmmm…
maybe?
& for the first time ever
i understand those women
who choose mates
by their fancy cars
& their fancy houses…
but
still
at the end of the day
i fly home
to my dilapidated nest
because
it is mine
it is home.

true story. i love my house. maybe i love it most of all because it is mine. but i do love madness manor and even enjoy looking at my gutted walls & imagining what will happen there.

i’ve been reading up on salvaged homes. i love the idea of finding materials that need a home rather than buying materials that are designed for mass production.
my home will one day be it’s own work of art.

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