twisted

i’m so far
out of whack
i am the letter “i”
but i look
like a “z”
i am so twisted
i don’t even want
to do the little things
that unwind me
do
the little things
that keep me
going
recovery from this mood
seems
impossible
seems
unreachable
when each morning
i wake up
thinking
“today i will get it
together”
but ultimately
i spend the day
just trying not to
fall apart
all over again.

i am thinking this is part of the journey more than a bump in the road. like i have to rest right now. maybe i keep hurting myself because i won’t stop trying to go too fast & too far.
so i’m resting.
just
resting.

resting…

sometimes
it is okay to rest
sometimes
i can let myself
step away
take a break
from trying to save the world.

i’ve got a bit of the covid, y’all. this is the second time i have had it. the first time being the fall of 2019. it was much worse that time, but i am recovering.
in addition to being sick (or because of being sick) i am in a god-awful mood. terrible mood. i am grumpy as fuck.
i am trying to re-imagine my world.
messing around with my art & writing.
feeling miserable about myself as a mom.
wishing i could just figure all this shit out….

i hope y’all are having a comparatively easy autumn slide into the holiday overtures.

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