day seventeen at my shambles of a nest & i see his fabulous nest & though i do not think of him as a potential mate i look at him preening in front of his fabulous nest & think hmmmm… maybe? & for the first time ever i understand those women who choose mates by their fancy cars & their fancy houses… but still at the end of the day i fly home to my dilapidated nest because it is mine it is home.
true story. i love my house. maybe i love it most of all because it is mine. but i do love madness manor and even enjoy looking at my gutted walls & imagining what will happen there.
i’ve been reading up on salvaged homes. i love the idea of finding materials that need a home rather than buying materials that are designed for mass production. my home will one day be it’s own work of art.
i have moved into my new house which, like me & the rest of my life, is a work in progress. i have had no time or energy or mental focus for any other creative endeavors. mostly i have been spending my time cleaning, moving, or having clusters of panic attacks…sometimes all three at the same time. this is a big fucking change. it’s my house. again, like me, it needs lots of love. lots & lots of love.
it is really tricky feeding four children with only an electric griddle, toaster oven, and outdoor grill. i keep going back and forth between getting an electric stove or a wood stove. i really want a wood stove, but i am having trouble wrapping my brain around it–especially during panic attacks. i also haven’t committed to having a fridge…but i do have a freezer. i want to put in shelves…but i suppose i have to put up walls first, huh. thank god it’s summer.
everything is in piles which wreaks havoc on my ocd. i want to organize everything…but of course, eventually i will have to unorganize it again to work on the walls & floor. i want to do everything sustainably & for as little money as possible. i have started frequenting the “amish walmart” in this area & am planning a trip to check out a nearby habitat for humanity restore as well. i want to be creative and unconventional. any ideas?
here is what i see from my front porch as well as from my office. last night i was able to hear the frogs in the nearby creek…of course, i can also hear the traffic from a nearby highway…but that’s what happens when you can’t decide between rural & urban. so far the town is nice. it’s just 700 and a handful of people. my kids aren’t yet convinced it’s the place for us…but i love it.