yellow!

i don’t like all of the pictures i do. i put them up whether i like them or not. but i don’t like them all. i am always surprised when someone loves one of the pictures that i hate.

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i guess it just goes to show how different we all really are.

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then i am equally surprised when a drawing i love & cherish gets no reaction at all. then i start digging around for approval…and am devastated if i cannot drum up the enthusiasm from others that i feel for my art.

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it feels like a rejection of me.

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so how come when someone embraces a picture i make that i deem ugly & unworthy, that doesn’t somehow validate the part of me that feels unlovable?

it’s a puzzle.

in case you are wondering. this is one of the ones that i love. so i will wait
quietly
impatiently
urgently
desperately
for y’all to sing it’s praises….

so i can feel like i matter.

(no pressure)

down the mountain with an armadillo

i don’t know what’s going on in this picture
i don’t know what’s going on in my own life
sometimes i feel at one with the universe
sometimes i want to scream until my voice is gone
maybe i want to scream
because i am one
with the universe
why isn’t the universe screaming?
or maybe it is
& we just aren’t listening.
maybe i can feel it screaming
and that is why i am so angry.

i just want to paint. to draw. to not feel so angry.
and i have a son
who is the essence of his father
i catch myself having the same
arguments with him
that i would have with his father
the same circle
discussions
accusations
frustrations
ending in screams
because we don’t know how to do this
i don’t want to hate my son
i do not hate my son
i just hate the circumstances
that create the chaos
that i find myself in.

well,
that makes about as much sense
as my picture.
so we have come full circle.

fuck.
here is the ink stain i started with:

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days of magic

so spilling ink and finding images in it is both an exercise and a meditation. it opens my mind up to pictures i might not have come up with. it is kind of like scrying, i think. maybe it is my magic.

i wonder if i will leave these pictures as is. stop here.
or will i take elements of the picture?
or the whole picture?
and recreate it in a less messy format?

i love doing my ink stain pictures. my ink blot art tests. i see the weirdest things. i found the rabbit first in this one, but the clock in his hands was added last. i knew he was carrying something…but how does he know he is late if the clock is just blinking twelve o’clock? the elements of this picture seem separate to me…but they work together as well. the lady of the lake–one of my favorite things i found in it…she doesn’t really work with the picture–but she is there. in the water. where she would be.
so.
there it is.

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