freckles

as the sun rises
i wake up
to find poppy & the puppy
already awake
as the chores wait
i lay in bed & listen
to these early morning musings
by poppy
as he imagines that the puppy
has feet
like a person
insists
really
that he had made a potion
to give people feet
to puppies
i love the bedtime & early morning
musings
of these little people
who enchant
my life.

just messing about. this reminded me of a poem i wrote about iggy when he was four and as we were cuddling & reading bedtime stories he told me he wanted to eat a live pigeon .
if i could just do all my momming while laying about in bed.

my poem for iggy:

pirates in disguise
“they’re made from recycled money,” says the woman
handing out pencils at the bank.
“recycled money,” i repeat.
“that’s cool,” i tell him.
“noooo,” he insists. “recycled bunnies.
she said ‘bunnies,’
‘cause the bones are hard like pencils.”
when it is bedtime he tells me he wants to eat a chicken
boil off the feathers and eat it.
i remind him that he has eaten a chicken.
“oh,” he says. “i mean a seagull.
i want to eat a live seagull.”
he asks me to dye his mohawk purple.
he asks me to sharpen it when the hair on his head grows too long.
he changes his clothes many times a day
just like he changes his mood.
he is fierce & he is powerful.
only four years old;
he is mighty & the world belongs to him.
i know he is mine because i see
the stubborn
feisty
rebellious
warm & fuzzy
miracle that he is.
we cuddle together & tell each other secrets
like
i love him all the way to the moon & back
& he loves me for all the sharks in the ocean
& sometimes i feel halloween is the only time we show who we are
every other day
we are pirates in disguise.

i am…alone

i am
sylvia plath
i am
vincent van gogh
i am
the bronte sisters
yes
all three
trapped on the moors
watching 
the moon
blow across
a sky full of stars
blown
by a relentless
wind
worlds exploding
within our imaginations
while loneliness
feasts
on our souls.

you are due a little break after this one. an optimistic-ish upturn as it were. i mean, it’s not hearts & flowers…but less doom & gloom. i am the moon after all. i wax & wane most gloriously.

i have not yet tackled the task of going through my journals for “poems” & art work to be put together in a collection.
i have been a bit down on myself (no! me??) and prone to comparing myself to others to whom success seems an easier venture…and hating them most enthusiastically….
but i am going to do it. i’m going to put together a collection. i’m going to publish it. and i will have my own group of people who enthusiastically hate me for it.
also, i need to start the cards i was commissioned to do.
and i am waiting to hear back from the one who commissioned this

as they have told me they want eleven more illustrations. 

plus, you know, searching for a new home…raising four minions…preparing for winter…training a puppy…deciding what to do with livestock who won’t stop being naughty…oh! & apparently bartering with the father of my children to see if he is “willing” to pay more than $200 a month child support so i can take proper care of his four children…just the normal to do. 

INKtober third

the world revolved
around you
but turning in circles
destroyed me
i am still
recovering
still turning
still dizzy
maybe
never ever
able
to trust again
but
at least
i have a dog now
someone
to warm that empty spot
in my bed
someone
to warm that empty spot
in my heart
i replaced you
i did
i replaced you
with a puppy.

this was kind of quick & messy. i based it on a portrait i found by googling “portrait with dog.” it was between james tissot’s “young lady in a boat” and a portrait of a topless woman gesturing to her dog. i was really tempted to do the topless one, but went with the more tasteful one…you’re welcome.

so after writing this i realized…. well, probably while writing this i realized…it seems…sigh….it seems i am still in love with my ex-husband aka “dusty.”
a shocking revelation…or not so much if you have followed my journals for more than a couple of weeks….
also! it is completely possible that i’m just trying to avoid my own healing by focusing on my feelings for him.
so, even though i have a dog to sleep with now…i find myself missing the warmth of an ex i thought i was mostly over.
fuck me.
i know i do this. i yo-yo.
fuck fuck fuck.

so my head is spinning again.
and i’m trying to work through it without accidentally finding myself in a relationship with him…again.
ack!
so…more journal pages on that.

(in case you were wondering, i almost never use the inktober prompts. as with the rest of life,  i prefer to go off script)

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