creative process (aka how i draw me)

you may have noticed
that my favorite subject is me
you know
just like all the other great artists
i am available
to pose
anytime
anyplace….

but here’s the thing. i don’t look at myself when i draw myself. or, rather, i look inside at me instead of outside at me.
when i look in a mirror or at a picture of myself,
sometimes i am all like, “hey, hot stuff.”
other times i wonder when i became a bloated hag.
so i tend to avoid mirrors & photos
especially when i do a self-portrait.
like check this out…

smaller me3
here is a photo i took because my hair today looked like the way i draw it. so it was my proof that i’m not always exaggerating. then i decided to show y’all how i draw a self-portrait from an actual face of mine.

selfie
yikes.
i am not a portrait artist.
i like the way i look in my head…or, rather, the self-portraits i draw while remembering what i look like…or what it feels like to be me.
that’s it–
i draw me the way it feels to be me.
that is my creative process.

disclaimer: i took like five minutes to do each of these self-portraits as my minions are waiting impatiently to go for a walk.

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not so bad

if i stop
to take inventory
i’m not doing
so bad
not so bad
if i stop
& take inventory
i see that
i’m actually
kind of
amazing.

if i stop
to see who i am
i see that
i’m not so awful
not so awful
as i’d thought
if i stop
to see who i am
i see that
i’m
actually
quite a good person
after all.

last night i kept myself from being drawn into a fight with dusty. a fight via texting. a fight we have had many times. furious messages flashing back & forth between his smart phone & my dumb one. (his messages flash a bit faster than mine.)
i did respond, with minimal engagement, to let him know i was getting his texts and that my feelings on the matter were indeed final. if i don’t respond, he will become more & more hysterical & paranoid. i can’t have him doing that while he is with our children.
but obvious ploys to evoke a response, i let them slip past me like keanu reeves in the matrix.
so i was actually quite proud of myself for that.
and
though i have an almost full bottle of whiskey, i chose instead to do yoga and have a cup of jasmine tea.
look at that, y’all. it’s like i’m growing up or something.

bonus for anyone who made it this far…i did a rough draft/sneak preview of moses jones page four. very rough…in fact, the final draft might not look anything like this….

mjepisode3p4rough

moses jones q&a

here i am
i have never left
can you hear me?
can you see me?
i am here
i have never left
see me.
hear me.

it felt good to do a doodle of my other self…my moses jones. my apocalyptic mama. it felt good to think about her.
she is a sort of self-portrait.
the me in a parallel universe
where dytopia has already sunk his teeth into us all.

i want to bring her back.
bigger.
better.

read my comics, if you will.
give me your thoughts.