i will rise again

i am in the midst
of an artist’s block…
my pen won’t cooperate
my hand ignores
everything i tell it
my muses have all gone
missing….

i have been trying to do art journal pages, but i have ended up ripping out pages, ripping up pages, re-doing the same picture over & over & over….
something is amiss.
but i am working on it.
& i am not giving up.

the above is a birthday postcard being sent to a friend…
below are a couple of sneak peeks of art journal pages over on my patreon page…i have been relying heavily on edward gorey to help me through my block…interestingly enough, i drew two different self-portraits with my arms thrown up in the air….

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birthday greetings & other inkings

so i tried to order my big sister (aka surrogate mom) a birthday basket from harry & david. twice. but both times they couldn’t–for some unknown reason–process the order.
so i went to godiva…where there is a $10 shipping fee.
so over to wine country…where nothing i wanted was available until the 19th of february.
fuck it, i said. i will make my own fucking fancy basket.
complete with a hand painted inking of some marvelous sea life.

meanwhile, i spent some time scanning maps &–because someone on tumblr said my style was “archaic greek” i looked at some artwork from that there time period.
which inspired some doodling.

meanwhile, misha was begging me to draw her a phoenix from her fantastic creature book.
i misunderstood & painted this.

but she said, “no.” she wanted to color it. so i drew this for her.

and she spent the morning coloring it.

i am thinking i might have a future in illustrating some fantastic beast coloring books.

phoenix rising

i realized something today
i am pretty fucking awesome
whether i’ve had
a beer…or two
or
am stone cold sober
whether my bathroom is clean
or the scene
of a toxic event
i am pretty fucking awesome
warts & all
literal & figurative
losing my mind
or all fucking zen
i am incredible
fantastic
amazing
think what you will
of me
but i am the only
one
who
knows for sure
i am
totally
fucking awesome.

after 250 self-portrait art journal pages (this is #251) in the past eleven months…it was bound to happen.
i felt good writing this…it was a bit harder to post as i am all, “what if i’m wrong? what if i suck?” but i totally felt it as i was writing it.
confidence.
belief in myself.
and it felt good.

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