moses jones page nine

kicking zombie ass for my kids….

you will be happy to know that i have worked on & gotten a bit better at head to body proportions. i have been working on my figure drawing. i’m not sure why my heads get so out of control big… but…yikes…this one is kind of embarrassing for that.

moses jones page eight

moses jones musings on motherhood.

you know…i didn’t mean to make such a humorless main character…usually i make my lead quirky & dark…& funny. but mojo leapt from my head fully formed & seemingly without a sense of humor.
so fucking serious, moj…what gives?

illustrator for hire

on wednesday, i go in for a job interview
at the local food cooperative
you know,
working with food
which i am super qualified to do
but
do i want to do it?
yesterday
dropping the reins in a show of frustration
i put iggy & fidget in charge
& took the day off to just draw & draw
& think
wouldn’t it be so super awesome
to get paid
to just draw
& draw?

some of what i drew, is over on my patreon site. a couple of pages of a moses jones study as i get ready to do more pages of my favorite dystopian zombie fighting mama….

this is my life

i was squatting in a stream this morning to wash the mud out of misha’s clothes when i thought
“this is my life”

how did i get here?
which twists & turns & choices made
led me to this place

i am both grateful for a place to be
to figure out my next step
& anxious
about where that next step will take me.

to help support my journey in exchange for art & writings by me…check out my patreon page.

today on my patron page i share two art journal pages & my recent brush with misanthropy & theories with how isolation feeds a dark part of one’s soul.

this is what a mother looks like

i asked my kids
if
after i died of throat cancer
from screaming at them
if they would remember
what i said.
they answered “yes”
…but only because they didn’t really
listen
to what i was
saying
i’m not sure how to feel…
my throat hurts.

don’t ask how the packing is going…just…don’t ask….

these are images i did for a watercolor class some years back…a week of illustrations of how i felt as a mom. things haven’t changed too much.

between homes

summer 2015
while trying to convince the dad to move away
leaving a “commonwealth” scam
leaving a doorstep haunted by a predatory woman
leaving a sadness that soaked my bones
just leaving, i begged
or not…
i tried to to convince the dad to move away
somewhere cheaper
far away from his predatory “other woman”
i tried
& failed
he would not leave her
& stupidly
i agreed on a rental that would not be open until
the end of
summer
summer of 2015, between homes
bouncing around
crashing, house-sitting, visiting relatives
only to land again
in my own
sadness

i have been thinking of that summer, if only to remind myself that i have been “between homes” with four children before…& survived.
i am hoping that this time i do not land again in my own sadness.
the dad has been trying to convince me to come live with him again….
right???
what insanity would that be?
i have broken free of him & to give up that freedom would surely mean the end of me…
but, i might have to turn to him for temporary shelter. i am trying to find other options, but having a safe place for the minions to be trumps all other concerns. & where the minions go….
i’m trying to be excited about a change, even an uncertain one. i mean, i am excited about it…but also worried sick. i turn every scenario over & over in my head. i do everything in my head, first, preparing myself for anything unexpected.
this is how i survive.

to help support my traveling circus & our search for a forever home, check out my patreon page where i am working on character development of a comic book hero who has been in my head for about five years now….

and being a patron of mine of the $5 a month or more, gets you personalized art postcards like these:

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