time for me to shine

truth is
i’m more comfortable
in the dark
more at home
in the shadows
truth is
i’m afraid to look
at myself
in the light
afraid you will see
all the broken parts
of me
truth is
i think i belong
in the dark
hidden
but the truth is
it is time
for me
to shine.

this is the follow up piece to the last one i posted.
this is something i am doing a lot of inner work on right now. bringing myself into the light. discovering my own magic. letting go of the fear i have held on to for so long. the fear of myself.

devoured

i saw the wolves
shortly after i made my wish
to be devoured
“i wasn’t serious,” i told the universe
in a bit of a panic
wondering what message i should get
from a moon waxing gibeous
as a wolf stalked before me
behind me
beside me
three wolves at dusk
under an october moon.

odds are they were coyotes, but they looked like wolves to me. and i had just thought how nice it would be to disappear–devoured by a werewolf….
i am used to coyotes being slinking yellow things, but these were tall & bold. i was walking my dog after having a fight with my children. i heard the rustling & turned around expecting deer, but instead a wolf/coyote ran across the road several yards away. another started to follow but stopped when she saw me. i stood tall; she stood tall. and then she disappeared again. as i turned to leave, i saw yet another one running on the hillside next to the road.
i believe in signs from the universe.
maybe i am being told to be careful what i wish for?

postcards from the universe

it is a conversation
i have been having
for awhile now
my tea party
with demons
like those numbers
on the clock
1234…
the dream seemed to be
telling me
i am
on the right path
headed in
the right direction
& totally should
keep on
keeping on…
an otherworldly
pat
on the back.

the last art journal page about my dream of wrestling demons. i am slow slow slow at getting these posted as i do not have internet & am feuding with my neighbor who was letting me use hers.
okay, feuding is a bit heavy–it’s more that i just feel like a heel using her internet after i threw her out of my house.
but i did make her a jar of solstice kimchi to thank her for her kindness of sharing said internet with me.

meanwhile, lots of demons being wrestled & epiphanies being had!

stay tuned!
xo.

loud & clear

i analyzed
my dreams
this morning
& got an unanimous answer
my dreams say,
“fuck you”
fuck you & the horse
you rode in on
just
whatever dude
whatever
ever
ever
…ever
fuck off for real
like
totally.

this one goes out to my ex-husband. my second ex-husband, who won’t stay out of my subconscious for some reason. i guess my subconscious just wants to make doubly tripply sure i do not get back together with him–again.
thanks for watching out for me, subconscious!

blackbird man

my shadow man
my thing of nightmares
my samhain visitor
i give you my heart
but you want my soul
i fight for my life
while accepting my death
my birdman lover
i am your
lonely
plaything
a half-dead
essence
a half-living
carcass
not knowing
whether to welcome you
or to fear you
if i should
hold you
or
let you go.

i keep thinking about this dream i had. it felt very strong. my subconscious loves to talk to me through my dreams. this seemed like a message.
especially as it came the night of the witch’s new year.
the time of year when the veil between the living & the dead is at its most flimsy.

i think it has everything to do with relationships. with myself. with men. with the world around me.

i do not remember an ankh in the dream, but for some reason i feel compelled to put the egyptian key of life in the inkings i have done about my dream.

i want to play with it more.
both as a message for me to heed as well as a potential story.

hmmm…my blackbird man….

also, this is the last page of my current journal. i have now done almost three hundred self-portraits since last october.
i made one page for all of my art journal self-portraits in my attempt to stream-line my art & website.
i hope my site is looking better & making sense.

tomorrow–a new day & a new journal!

 

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