summer flowers
& autumn leaves
as we enter
the twilight
of the season
the tween
a doorway
blue skies to thick
sunshine to a wind
that will make you
despite the sweat
(or because of)
that the heat had
drawn out of you
just moments
& you shiver again

this was written after i watched the wind rain walnut leaves down on my lawn full of summer flowers.
it felt magical.
& also a cause of anxiety as i still need to insulate & properly heat madness manor.
a reminder of all the chores that need to be done before those autumn leaves turn into a snow shower.

not of this world

i think maybe i am waiting
for someone who is not
of this realm
i think maybe
i am not the only one
who feels
this way
songs full of other world
art on a canvas
showing us
an understanding
not of this world
but an impossible other
stories that explore worlds
we can only see
in our hearts…
i can only hope
that the someone whom my heart
calls to
somehow finds his way
to share
not just an emotional sphere
with me
but a physical one
as well.

i’m getting tired of my own posts about relationships. i wrote this like a week ago? and since then i have downward spiraled to a place where i am “fuck everyone i’m going to dig a hole & never come out.”
so relationships are not a top priority for me at this moment in time as i try to dig myself back out of the grave i have put myself in to.
and i’m kind of annoyed with me.
but! i do remember that i wrote this post after crying while reading the wishing of biddy malone to my kids. a story about an irish lass who falls in love with a fairy.

i do really like the creepy baby hand angel though.

once upon a sacral chakra

as my sacrum
after such a long sleep
i find old feelings
new ones
but also…
my sacrum is a plant
before blooming into
an amazing
i cannot forget
to water her
& repeat to myself
“i am worthy.”

i have been working on opening chakras. i try to keep my heart open & remind myself, “i am valuable.” and now i am also working on keeping my sacral chakra open & telling myself, “i am worthy.”
once upon a time i was very confident in myself as a sexual being despite my catholic upbringing. but steady abuse by men as well as motherhood made me hide that light deep deep inside & feel ashamed of it.

feeling it again is so nice. re-claiming it gives me all kinds of power.

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