not a love story

when i was eighteen
i lost my virginity
to a punk rock junkie
on purpose
i didn’t want “it” to be
special
i didn’t want “it” to be all
you are my special someone
so here is my special something…
instead
i was all like
i got this…do you want it?
& then
shortly after
i did find that special someone
who proceeded
to break my heart into a million pieces
so
i’ve never regretted getting with the bass player
from bong frog
instead of waiting
for “the one.”

on an old couch
in an abandoned house
with a guy who looked
enough like a corpse
that his friends called him
dead guy

not a love story.

it took me a couple days to figure out how to illustrate this one. then the minions went to their dad’s house & i took a nap & figured it out.
i do my best thinking in bed.
or on the couch.
whatever.

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turkey trot

i’m feeling pretty defeated today.
i started out, this full moon, all hopeful & happy.
then i crashed.
i am angry. annoyed. short-tempered. self-sabotaging.
i am defeated.
i just want to give up. get rid of my dogs, sheep, & chickens. get rid of all the things that hold me in place. and float away. take my minions & hit the road. float through the universe.
i feel like my failure was complete before i even left my childhood.
i feel like i am an asshole.
always an asshole.
forever & ever after.
i feel like it is all pointless.

i suspect this is temporary. that i will feel better…maybe when the moon starts to wane?

god, i want a beer.
but i am so broke, i cannot afford beer.
so of course it is the one thing that i latch onto as a cure-all.
though it really wouldn’t be.
but, boy, could i go for a beer.

so i drew this.
i like it.
i liked my koala bears a lot. my yesterday drawing. but no one here did. and barely anyone on facebook. and twitter is just a vacuum i scream into.
i’m feeling pretty defeated.
no one loves me.
no one loves my art.
i am alone.
so i checked out of facebook. cancelled my twitter account. i am still here…but rapidly losing hope.
no one loves me.
and when i feel isolated, i hide.
and when i’m feeling invisible, i make sure i am.
it’s one of those days.
hopeless
loveless
defeated.

usually after i post here. i also post on my fb page for my blog. then on my own fb page. then on twitter.
tonight, this is my only posting of this picture.
god, i feel ridiculous.
why would anyone even want to do this?

if you do like my drawing, throw me a goddamned bone.
i’m drowning in self-pity here.
& misery.

i just ordered all the minions to bed because i am irritable and do not understand why i can’t have the space to work on art without being bumped and annoyed by the minions. so i snapped & sent them to bed. iggy screamed, “i hate you.” and i wanted to scream back, “that’s okay. i hate me too.”

oh…here’s the ink stain–though it’s a cut off shot of it. sorry. i suck today.
tomorrow….
let’s just see about tomorrow.

inkstains-4