again, looking for love in all the blog places, i plugged in the search word “homesteading” (when i searched “sheep” i just found a bunch of political posts–ha!) and was delighted to find a blog post titled “homesteading artist” only to realize it was one of my own posts.
the problem is:
1. i find me fascinating most of the time and want someone kind of like me (less anxiety; less depression; less control issues.)
2. i am a complicated person–an oxymoronic person–despite my desire to be simple and to make sense, and it is difficult to find another who might overlap in a complimentary way.
3. relationships terrify me.
for those of you saying to yourself, “didn’t she just break up with exhusband#2?”
the truth is that i left him a year ago new year’s day, and then HE decided HE wanted to work things out. i never decided that and remained in a state of limbo until shortly after we moved here–july-ish? where i finally said, “no, i don’t want to be with you.” and had him move out of my bedroom, ceasing all physical relationship with him as that was our only actual relationship qualifier since…what? before poppy was conceived? also. i divorced him in 2010.
depending on how you look at it, we have been broken up for between 5 months and 6 years. i feel as if we have been broken up for at least a year. probably more. the day i went to court and sat in that courtroom all by myself, wondering what would become of me…to me, that is the day our relationship was over because that was the day i realized he will never be the man i need him to be. that was fall of 2015.
long story short. i am over him and long for a relationship with a person who is capable of caring about me and for me.
so it’s not too soon for me to be looking for the next ex (haha–please let that be a joke)…in fact, i am overdue for a good relationship.
i have done my time.
show me the nice guys!
this is the ink stain i started today’s doodle with.
if you ever read my moses jones story, you might suspect i am partial to black and white…to shades of gray. i am.
color is nice, but somehow i find i enjoy the ones without color a bit more. they make me less anxious?