sunken treasure

whisper it
shout it out loud
call me by name
tell me you love me
i will pretend
to believe you.

i didn’t write on this one, but the above is what i thought of writing on it. sunken treasure…that’s me.
i am preparing for a solstice celebration that includes my ex-husband.
i don’t want to include him, but i feel i have to.
he is good at letting me know how alone & lonely he is. no matter how miserable it will make me, i can easily be swayed to entertain his misery.
every other year, he has had a job that kept him from ending up on my doorstep. not this year. so i feel bad.
especially since the 19th is his birthday
but also my brother’s death day…
so you can see how messed up i am going to be.
and a full moon.
fuck me.

“sunken treasure” ink on watercolor paper…9X12…$45….SOLD!

on dreams, demons, & being haunted

in the dream
it was a lonely house
on a hill
shrouded in darkness
foreboding
terrifying
until i was forced to enter
to save us all
from a greater
danger…
the house was
beautiful
on the inside
…but haunted…
a specter
rose up
threateningly
behind my companion
i wrestled it to the ground
only to realize
it was just
a child
“tell me why
you have so much
anger?”
i asked the child
&
the pain
was
released.

so this is a dream i had. it was pretty profound & felt really meaningful. i laid in bed pondering it. what do i do with this?
am i supposed to help other people exorcise their demons? or is it just another pat on the back from the universe for doing all the work to wrestle my own?
of course, i am still wrestling my demons.
case in point, my inking today is heavily borrowed from the artist david mack because i am going through a thing where i think my own work sucks & what is the point?
today, while on a walk, i started asking my frowning face–“why so stressed? what is there really to be stressed about?” and for a moment i let myself smile again.
but i can find reasons to be sad & even woke up this morning to a dream of my telling someone that sometimes i just don’t have a smile inside me….

so, yeah, still wrestling some demons….

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