hello darkness, my old friend

the dark falls
the dark creeps
she lurks
& leaps
& crashes
don’t look now
the dark will
envelop
your
heart
your soul
painted black
like my thoughts
like my
dreams
the dark is my
friend
my companion
my
one
true
love
i look to the dark
to envelop
my heart
my
soul
the dark whispers
the dark caresses
she kisses
& misses
me
when i am
illuminated.

i cleaned off my scanner since my last post…you’re welcome.

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curtains

this same window
i spend my day
creating
art
from the light
shining through
this same window
i used to sit
as a child
staring at the dark
reflected
back
at me
waiting
for my father
to come home
wishing
for my father
to never
come
home
it’s a different window
though it is
the same
only light comes through
now
no
more
dark.

i scribbled this thought down a few days ago, and remembered it today while reading JGomez’s beautiful & powerful piece “Disintegrate Elsewhere.”
my father always came home…and his homecomings were generally stressful…if not terrifying. a family walking on eggshells while a father waits, determined to take his temper out on someone. i learned to be quiet. i learned to be invisible. i learned to not draw the disturbed glare of his blue eyes.
i watched as others took the brunt of his temper. wishing him away. wishing to feel safe.

i live in the same house…but it is a different house now that he is gone. i wish little me had gotten to feel the peace that i am now, finally, able to feel.

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