i am…alone

i am
sylvia plath
i am
vincent van gogh
i am
the bronte sisters
yes
all three
trapped on the moors
watching 
the moon
blow across
a sky full of stars
blown
by a relentless
wind
worlds exploding
within our imaginations
while loneliness
feasts
on our souls.

you are due a little break after this one. an optimistic-ish upturn as it were. i mean, it’s not hearts & flowers…but less doom & gloom. i am the moon after all. i wax & wane most gloriously.

i have not yet tackled the task of going through my journals for “poems” & art work to be put together in a collection.
i have been a bit down on myself (no! me??) and prone to comparing myself to others to whom success seems an easier venture…and hating them most enthusiastically….
but i am going to do it. i’m going to put together a collection. i’m going to publish it. and i will have my own group of people who enthusiastically hate me for it.
also, i need to start the cards i was commissioned to do.
and i am waiting to hear back from the one who commissioned this

as they have told me they want eleven more illustrations. 

plus, you know, searching for a new home…raising four minions…preparing for winter…training a puppy…deciding what to do with livestock who won’t stop being naughty…oh! & apparently bartering with the father of my children to see if he is “willing” to pay more than $200 a month child support so i can take proper care of his four children…just the normal to do.¬†

blackbird man

my shadow man
my thing of nightmares
my samhain visitor
i give you my heart
but you want my soul
i fight for my life
while accepting my death
my birdman lover
i am your
lonely
plaything
a half-dead
essence
a half-living
carcass
not knowing
whether to welcome you
or to fear you
if i should
hold you
or
let you go.

i keep thinking about this dream i had. it felt very strong. my subconscious loves to talk to me through my dreams. this seemed like a message.
especially as it came the night of the witch’s new year.
the time of year when the veil between the living & the dead is at its most flimsy.

i think it has everything to do with relationships. with myself. with men. with the world around me.

i do not remember an ankh in the dream, but for some reason i feel compelled to put the egyptian key of life in the inkings i have done about my dream.

i want to play with it more.
both as a message for me to heed as well as a potential story.

hmmm…my blackbird man….

also, this is the last page of my current journal. i have now done almost three hundred self-portraits since last october.
i made one page for all of my art journal self-portraits in my attempt to stream-line my art & website.
i hope my site is looking better & making sense.

tomorrow–a new day & a new journal!

 

something fishy

i have an over-tired toddler in my lap, and wordpress won’t load my image. it’s been doing that a lot lately. i don’t know if it is a bad internet connection or if the crazy energy afloat around me is blocking it. by the time you see this, i will have gotten my inking of the day to load, but i have been trying for awhile now to get it to upload. if anyone knows a solution to this problem….

i am popping popcorn and being kicked by a sleepy three year old who won’t go to sleep. i have bread dough rising and am having a beer. i’m not in a bad mood despite the grumpy minion. that’s different. usually–lately–i have been deadly pissy.

i am still trying to get my picture to load. it is a good one today. one i really like. i had fun doing it. i posted just the start of it on facebook last night and someone suggested it was already done. it was not. i thought of stopping for the interested party…but i could not. i am glad i didn’t stop.

my popcorn is not yet burning…but i need to melt some butter. poppy is still crying in my lap. still crying. but the popcorn is popped. almost every kernel…with minimal burned ones! i tried to milk a sheep into the popcorn bowl earlier today. so i had to wash that out. and i need to remember to buy a milk bucket…and learn how to properly milk a sheep…not just molest her.

popcorn buttered & salted, but my picture still won’t load. poppy followed iggy & the popcorn downstairs to the movie, but i don’t know if he will stay down there. he wants to watch a robot movie & they’re watching a pirate movie. maybe he will stay for a minute & give me a little break. maybe he will fall asleep down there & give me a big break.

this is my life. this is my art. sometimes i love it & sometimes i hate it.

i really wish this picture would load. usually by the umpteenth time i would be losing my mind. but for some reason i am all zen. maybe because my inking turned out the way i like them to.

success! it loaded. but you know that because you saw it already. do you like it? i like it.

 

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑