call me

chunky mother of four ISO punkrock feminist lumberjack
i am feral with bouts of rabies
wicked smart
creative as fuck
prone to shaving my head but nothing else
great smile
nice tits & ass…

i wrote this as yet another attempt to invite romance into my life. i recently sent it to a boy who invited me to flirt with him…and it got grossly misinterpreted. he started sending me the nastiest emails. i tried to go along & tried to tap into my inner slut…but i am no longer fuckbuddy material (if i ever was.) i had to make it clear to him that i needed a lot more from any relationship than just some dirty talk. not that i was opposed to the dirty talk…i just want more from life than that.
so i told him.
and he ran away.
which is okay because i have a lot on my plate right now. a suicidal sister camping out on my couch & four insane minions & an offer in on a house that is a “craftsman special”…plus my usual mental health issues…a new book coming out…and life the universe & everything.
so if said boy can’t play…i can take my toys and go home and wait for jason mantzoukas.

my imaginary boyfriend

in the grand history
of my mythological relationships i have had
i have decided to have my one & only
be played by the actor comedian jason mantzoukas
he is perfect, i think, alone in my thoughts
no one else will do
& i end my search.

as a child, i pretended jim morrison was my dad. later, in my early twenties, i would tell friends of my relationship with both james dean and the young paul newman.
imaginary relationships were just easier.

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