i have been in the blahs
trying to figure it all out
has me worn
plus i think i just broke my baby toe…
why is the universe
on hobbling me?
or is it my own wish
my own mortality
so close in mind?
whatever is going on
i just want to fucking walk
the day after i realized i have almost no limp left from my broken knee, i kicked a wooden box of blocks as i walked through the playroom on my way to the bathroom at 5am one morning.
fuck me running
fuck me sitting because i can’t run anymore…will i ever run again? is this what getting old(er) feels like? losing what we once took for granted?
it was actually the second injury to that poor baby toe. last week i kicked a stack of wooden boards while in my kitchen (random stacks of wooden boards are hopefully a temporary decorating habit of mine & will one day be used to build things, but until then, they remain tripping hazards….)
i thought i had broken it then…but a few days later it felt fine. so then i kicked something else with it & now it is black & blue & refusing to bend.
crap crap crap.
yet still i try to negotiate treaties with my monsters & build bridges with my demons…just not very enthusiastically right now.
the drawing up top is another play around with oil pastels & inks. maybe if i can get oil pastels & inks on the same page, i can unite the powers that are inside of me & bring an end to the civil war within?
the title is a reference from a movie i watched a lot as a kid, finian’s rainbow.