what it is to be quixotic

ever since i realized i no longer identify as an invisible exhibitionist
i have wondered what else about me has changed
like
am i still quixotic?
a quick search reports quixotic as meaning: extremely idealistic; unrealistic and impractical. 
i always tell people it means “delusionally hopeful”
i even gave my fourth son
who came into my life by accident, not planning
the middle name “quixotic”
because i thought “serendipitous” would be too obvious
going through with a fourth pregnancy when dirt poor
in an abusive relationship
& struggling with motherhood,
felt hopeful in a delusional way….
& i guess unrealistic & impractical…
but is that bad? it sounds bad
maybe i should re-think my quixotic ways?
hmmm
i thought about changing the name of this website/blog to something less quixotic
but i am pretty sure
that even on my deathbed
i will be dreaming of ways to really fuck those windmills up….

more messages from the universe in process:

up top: “don quixote rides again” 8X8 mixed media on watercolor paper…$55

gone so wrong

so i tried to do a manifestation spell the other day…
but it kinda blew up in my face
as spells are apt to do with me
when people ask if i am a good witch or a bad witch,
i tell them i am a mediocre witch
anyhoo
the spell went wrong but also right?
instead of drawing the object of my affection to me,
it severed my bond to him
lots of farting & crying resulted on my end (from my end?)
apparently backfired spells can cause some righteous backfiring…
but i woke up the next morning feeling much
lighter.

meanwhile, more strange & whimsical art from me & my inkstains….

up top: “hands off my poppet” 9X12 mixed media on watercolor paper….$75
above left: “follow me home” 6X6 mixed media on watercolor paper…$35
above right: “jesus, tom!” 8X8 mixed media on watercolor paper…$55

time to get serious…

i am quitting
reading fiction
for the time being in order to focus on
writing fiction
like turn the music up loud and wait for inspiration
much like i am doing with my art lately
so let’s see what happens….

i am still reading non-fiction
currently: genghis khan and the quest for god (highly recommend)
which may have inspired
“he came from humble beginnings”. 6X6 mixed media on watercolor paper…$35

also hot off the watercolor pad
“fisher cat ate all my sardines” 8X8 mixed media on watercolor paper…$55

up top is one of my new favorites
“sure she was funny…but was that enough?” 9X12 mixed media on watercolor paper…$75

this is why i don’t do drugs

my brain is a weird enough place when i’m straight….

these are all, again, ink stained paper that i then stare at until i find an image/story.

uptop: “i had the craziest dream last night” 6X6 charcoal pencil & soft pastels on watercolor paper…$35

top left: “mama told me not to come” 9X12 charcoal pencil, soft pastel, & ink on watercolor paper…$75

top middle: “love’s burden” 6X6 charcoal pencil & soft pastel on watercolor paper…$35

top right: “finding my song” 6X6 charcoal pencil & soft pastel on watercolor paper…$35

bottom: “mansplaining my uterus” 8X8 charcoal pencil & soft pastel on watercolor paper…$55

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