i know y’all have been missing my so-called poetry….so here’s one i wrote yesterday (since i have not yet gotten my mojo pages in order….)
i am not going to mail this letter i am not going to hit “send” blasting my words like confetti in a storm something that my primate brain can accept but can never understand so easily & instantly bathing my victim in my obsessive loneliness despite his being many miles away many worlds apart from me how many times have i written this letter how many people have looked away as i exposed myself pen on paper fingers on a keyboard my stupid message in a stupid bottle my longing to be heard to be understood by some warm body somebody am i special to think someone could love me an impossible thing that comes so easily to everyone else
i guess i will be re posting all of the moses jones pages next? y’all ready for that? maybe i’ll hook a publisher for it as well…. i also need to try again at the sustainable arts foundation award for artists & writers with children. it opens on february 1st. i am thinking i am going to submit my latest pages of moses jones.
meanwhile, here are some sheep fingers for you to enjoy…they are good with ketchup.
there were like four more pages of confusion perfume…however, the wonderful tara caribou is planning to publish my comic with a couple other of my comics in a book due out later this year…. what?!? yes, it’s true. while there is no news on my short story collection, tangled together, which was supposed to come out in 2019…now, out of the blue, i have a different book coming out in my medium of choice: comics!!!! so fucking exciting. by the way, should there be a publisher who wants to tackle the short story collection, i think i can safely assume my other publisher has jumped ship.
anyhoo. the last four pages were a change of pace for confusion perfume, less levity…more dark & scribbly. a short story about 9-11-01 that i turned into a comic using berenice beaumont (my character in confusion perfume in case you are just tuning in.) and i decided not to post them to give y’all a little mystery. plus! tara has requested i write little ditties like i like to do, explaining/rationalizing/analyzing my work. so i am totally having a blast doing that. also…maybe brand new never seen before pages????
so what now? well, today, we have quixotic postcards i made years ago at a ‘zine fest when the printer did not have my order of postcards ready & i had to make some up on the fly.
tomorrow? (or the next day if tomorrow is too hectic) pages of my comic in progress: weener coop & by in progress, i mean, i really do plan on getting back to it one day because i think it is totally fucking awesome.
i updated my store page here with some more recent inkings…i am also trying to get up the nerve to put things in a physical space here in driftless wisconsin…. we’ll see how that goes. i mean i bought sleeves and everything…i’ve even put some of my art into the sleeves…. though i can’t figure out how to price them & want to just put a sliding price tag on….
the free store i started is a month old now. it is packed full of goodies. so many awesome people donating.
i have only noticed one problem. all the accolades i have been receiving have triggered my impostor syndrome & sent me into some serious dark & downward spirals. weird, right? like when people tell me i’m doing a good thing, i feel like i am somehow fooling them. when one woman said, “way to pay it forward,” i flinched. of course, for me it is not about karma. it is about giving the people what they need; keeping crap out of landfills; putting one over on the man…. but am i a good person for doing it? i don’t feel like a good person… then i start to wonder…if my art took off, would i suffer in a similar way? spin out to a dark & devastated place where i fear everyone will realize i am actually a fuck up in sheep’s clothing?
however, i can’t help hoping all the spinning i have been doing will leave me standing still
my family lost a friend today. he was the only livestock we did not sell when we left our illinois homestead. a turkey named hamlet. he survived three thanksgivings & died roaming free in the hills of wisconsin within warbling distance of his wild cousins. he was a good turkey. he will be missed.
(on a more personal note, hamlet was the only male in recent history to find me sexy…but that is a story for another day)
i began the comic/graphic novel in progress, moses jones: apocalyptic mama, in 2013/14. since then, my style has changed a bit…grown & improved?? i want to re-dedicate myself to working on my comics (i have done only one page of moses jones this year–but, you know, packing up, living on a bus all summer, moving a time or two…) anyhoo what i am wondering–should i go back & re-do all the old pages in (hopefully) better artwork… or should i just continue on with it, letting the style change from page to page?
so…i’m no longer living on a bus! y’all–i managed to get off the bus!
me & the minions have a house in a quaint neighborhood of a quaint town in wisconsin. and! i claimed a room as a room of my own! except for the pet rat, the dog, and being also a space for books & puzzles…i have a room that is all mine for writing & drawing & just staring out the window! so that’s nice. but i have flunked out of therapy…not before reprising my list of ideals for a romantic relationship, however. next on my list of “what i want”…that guy who won’t make me feel like crap.
& then, also on the list of things i desire (after a roof & a man) is a job doing what i actually want to be doing. i am working outside the home for the first time in forever….but the honeymoon is over on the new job. now i just want to sit at home & draw…and write…and go for walks & on bike rides…garden a bit…travel…. sigh.
though i forgot about INKtober, as sarah of fresh hell pointed out to me, every day is kinda inktober for me. actually, ever since INKtober 2016, i have been covered in ink. it’s a bit scary how much i have drawn in these last three years. i should have a book…or something. but, no, i am not exactly rolling with the punches…. i feel like a complete failure as my patreon page whispers softly to me, “my god you suck….” & in other areas of life, mother–(crap…am i anything other than a mother???) i am also sucking suckiness. if you want to confirm this for me (my failure as artist, writer, & mother) feel free to check out my patreon page.
so there is my way past due update, dear reader…
ps. i do not have internet (but would accept it as a gift) so any online postings are sporadic at best