parade

this is my first use of tan toned paper. i like it better than the gray tone. and i used a white ink stain again for the toned paper.

at first i wasn’t sure about this one. but by the end i really liked it.

i finished the inking earlier, but i had to do bedtime before i could write this post. so i thought about what i would post as i lay in bed getting poppy & misha to sleep. i thought about telling y’all about my friday, where in addition to getting a fucktard for a president, i also got an anonymous religious tract in the mail addressed to me. my legal name. therefore probably from someone i know, but like i said…anonymously sent. not even a note saying, “hope you don’t burn in hell!” and a smiley face.

motherfucker.

and then while i was reeling from those two things, plus having just gotten home from the store and having to put away groceries while minions scream for treats, i missed two text messages from my ex who then both emailed me & messaged me on facebook in a panic. i fell into a conversation with him as i tried to be human & show some concern for his state of anxiety, but then he kept saying things like, “it won’t be like it was before.” and lamenting the past and promising change and i ended up having to put on the caps lock (i hate capitol letters if y’all haven’t noticed) but i felt i had to be clear. i don’t think he understands that we are broken up and i am never ever ever ever ever ever ever going down that path again.

so i used caps lock.

but he still didn’t get it.

anyhoo.

that’s what i was going to post about. but then i felt all mellow looking at my white ink on tan paper and decided to just talk about my picture instead.

it’s pretty, right?

look (don’t look)

as i let my dogs out into this unseasonable & warm january day, i started sobbing. beautiful weather sponsored by big oil. beautiful weather thanks to climate change. this same beautiful weather in the middle of illinois in the middle of winter, means droughts in other parts of the world. hurricanes & tsunamis in other parts of the world. famine & wild fires in other parts of the world. and if this beautiful weather continues here, the plants will be fooled into thinking it is spring and then a cold snap will kill them as they try to bloom. this warm january day means scorching heat in the summer…or even in the spring.

that’s what we are. we are enjoying the beautiful weather…despite the consequences. refusing to change and ignoring the consequences. the environment is just one level of the game we are playing…and losing.

i have been depressed for three days now. with reason. the world is a mess. my country is a mess. but turn on the tv & everything is okay. turn on the news and it is someone else who is suffering. not you. so, carry on.

look2

sometimes being an empath really really really fucking sucks.
i can feel the pain in the air. the pain of this world.
i can feel it.
and it hurts.
if it hurts me, imagine how it feels to whomever, whatever is actually experiencing the pain.

and while i am getting enough sleep, i am tired to my bones.

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bumbles

i was going to wait since i got done so late.
i was going to post this tomorrow.
but i was really happy with how it turned out & wanted to share it. so i’m hoping some of y’all are up late and looking to browse some art.

so yesterday’s ink. i posted it on facebook…and then after several episodes of doctor who  with the minions, i went to check to see if it had gotten any likes or comments and there was nothing. nada. zip.
and i was like, “holy crap, it wasn’t that bad. is it too weird?”
and i shut down my laptop and started reading some neil gaiman, but my mind kept going back to my ink.
that’s when i realized that i had drawn athena popping out of zeus’s head. and leda and the swan. and possibly dionysus. without even meaning to. my brain is a funny place.
that is also when i realized i had earlier, on facebook, posted something just for myself on my page, changing the setting from “public” to “only me.”
so i turned my laptop back on
and got back on facebook
and re-posted
and got myself some likes.
yay.

i may have gotten this done earlier…but, again, facebook. i posted about doing a blackout on the inauguration and my “trump is god’s choice” little sister decided to lecture me about letting trump into my heart.
and i fucking went off.
i could feel my heart pounding out of my chest
and it only stopped after i went on a rant.
sometimes, when anger is rightly placed, it makes me feel better to get pissed off and blow.
okay, always, when my anger is justified and rightly directed, it makes me feel better to express it.

after i calmed down, i did myself some inking.

bumbles1

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