dark places

i haven’t been journaling or doing much of anything
other than binge-watching preacher
& staring at walls
i know this will pass
but it is so thick
& hard to see through
when i am in the midst of it

i tried to do a spell
to break free of the psychic attacks & negative energy
from dear old dusty
as well as setting a course for a magical life
i chose this guy as my companion

i keep drawing him
& hoping the spell takes hold

i hope to finish a commissioned piece today
& to work on more art to put over
at my etsy store
(i did open an etsy store!)
& i did finish a piece for one of my patrons
(become a patron & get original art!)

but there are two more episodes of preacher
& though the sun has finally come out
i am still wallowing in a dark place

the narrative

it seems to me
that people need to believe
their own
narrative
so it’s not
that they aren’t
listening
to me
it’s that what i’m saying
does not fit
their narrative…
so
they hear me
but only so far
as it suits their story
anything else
turns to white
noise
&
misunderstandings….
maybe i can’t
change your narrative
but what happens
when i change
mine?

i think this is true of all areas of my life i am frustrated with. family relations, romantic relations, not conforming to the norm, being misunderstood over & over & over….
my story does not fit most people’s narrative.
hmmm….
i wonder how i can move forward with this understanding?
i do know, i need to work on changing my own narrative…especially the bit about being unloveable, not special, & not worth a fuck.
that story needs to change.

ps. i really like this illustration

i don’t wanna grow old

okay.
i’m pretty despondent about this whole age thing. this is something that has never happened to me before. age is just a number, right?
but this number is freaking me out.
poop.
i am posting this the day after my birthday…but i wrote it two days before my birthday…& it is the day before my birthday as i am scheduling it to post.
(i hope i survive my birthday!)

look at me now

i have finished the project! the portraits for an art show are done.
in all, i have 69 portraits.
wow.
i did a final one in the style i have been using for my current journal pages. it is on display over on my patreon site, but eventually might make its way over here.
i am, overall, pretty happy with the collection.
so…
what now?

just keep inking….

i have actually developed anxiety about finishing this project.
i might just keep inking my portrait indefinitely.
this is the same thing that happened when my first inktober experience ended.

more selfies!

i am just living & breathing ink right now. but i am almost done & am kind of panicked about not having more to do….
but maybe i can finish something else next?

(sorry about the photo quality–my phone & i are both challenged in the photo taking department.)

the invisible exhibitionist


i have an upcoming art show!
date is to be announced…but i will be showing inkings from my “the invisible exhibitionist” series of self-portraits for the grand re-opening of the commons in viroqua, wi.
whoa.
so i am working on doing more finished versions of the art journal self-portraits i did for three years (almost 500 pages of self-portraits.)
so exciting!
i will keep y’all updated.

also, here is a photo of my art being sold in the local art mart!!

summer solstice

he comes in
smelling of mown grass
& fading lilacs
showered in crabapple blossoms
raining down
as the fruit begins
to grow
sunflowers bowing
before him
he brings us
long days
and warm nights
tomatoes
peppers
& basil
fireflies & treefrogs

i know it’s like a month away, but my art has taken a turn from spring colors to summer ones. the dirt has been calling to me to plant & plant & plant, & i’ve had to regretfully mow my lawn, cutting down dandelions & violets…. though i did go out to gather as many violet flowers & leaves as i could before mowing (still using a reel mower too!)
i made violet pesto the other day, and now i am hooked on it. mow the lawn & make a yummy snack.

hideaway

i had a pretty rough day the other day…there is going to be a bunch of these. any day i am struggling, i just put it all down on paper. pages & pages of paper…

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