in the stars

i will let you in on a secret
i don’t always like my artwork
sometimes i really don’t like
my stuff.
but this one…
this one
this one i really like.
and i grumped at iggy
because while the ink stains were still drying
in my journal
on my desk
aka the no-go-zone
iggy reached across my desk
reached across my journal
reached across my wet ink
where i could already see two faces forming
he reached across
and smudged the art.

but the faces still formed
because…
well,
do you believe in destiny?
it’s in the stars

i like this inking.
the baby reminds me of my koala bear baby
poppy
i swear that kid is part koala bear
he can cling like nobody’s business.

they say the last child
knows he is the baby
and tries to stay the baby as long as possible.

i miss my kids.
i don’t mind being alone,
but i miss them.
they are so much a part of me.
they don’t define me…
they just make me better.
like the nougat in chocolate.
i miss my kids like chocolate
misses the nougat.

but we will be back together soon.
it is in the stars.

too tired to draw

i didn’t sleep at all last night. i have so much anxiety & restless brain syndrome. i lay awake wondering what i would do if i came across bullying/intolerance/hate crimes…i was playing it out in my head all night. the different scenarios. the different profound things i would say to turn them around and allow them to see the error of their ways.
i did that all night long. seriously. and if i did fall asleep, one of my kids would make sure i didn’t stay there long.

i am exhausted.

and so much anxiety! i had to leave the house today for the first time since tuesday. i live in a very small-town…very rural area. this area is historically referred to as a “sundown” area. a place for people of color to avoid when the sun went down.

i am white. very white. but i am also weird. partially shaved head, pierced nose, tattoos of pagan fertility symbols. i dress in mostly black skirts with striped socks and boots. i don’t look “straight.” i grew up here. i was bullied for being different. so, yeah, i was anxious about going out now that our president-elect has set loose the white supremacists & bigots of the country.

nothing happened. i was okay. i am told i put off a “don’t fuck with me” vibe.
i am also told i have an amazing smile.
i use both those things as weapons of protection.

nevertheless, anxiety & lack of sleep have me barely able to function.

i don’t think i can draw.

i just want to go watch indiana jones & the temple of doom with my kids & then go to bed.

but i promised i would do something every day. so here are four ink stains i prepared (last night) to be used during the next four days. i did not get to any of them today–as said. but i did find a koala bear in one that i am fairly excited about. i have never drawn a koala bear. maybe i will doodle later…but hopefully i will sleep instead of trying to figure out how to save the world.

i did ink stains for fidgit & iggy as well. or, i helped them. iggy did most of the work. they did work on theirs today. iggy says he has more to do (pink one.) fidgit says his is a picture of the big fish coming to the place in the ocean where the little fish clean them off. a real thing, apparently, and these are sharks, etc. that would be found in such a place. he apologized for some of it being inaccurate due to working with the stain, and i told him, “no sweat, i gave a narwhal a unicorn horn instead of a tusk.”
fidgit has taught me a lot about undersea life and inspired many of my drawings of the such.

finian1

sawyer1-1

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