my brain hurts (but my heart wants all the attention)

demented
deranged
like a mix tape
stuck on a loop
picking petals
off of flowers
loves me
loves me not
surely loves me
now
surely surely
at least a little?
how about now?
at least give me my heart
back
i’m surely sure
i need it
if i want to survive
this
demented
deranged
long ride on a
short
track
& please don’t
leave
me
alone
to figure out
the end
all on my
own.

in our ever-loving & slightly incestuous wordpress community, there is the inevitable inspiration via another blog.
after reading mike’s post about icarus, i was all like, crap–i haven’t done me as icarus yet.
so here you go.
i am the sun (look at me shine) that i fly too close to…but, my wings are not melting. goddammit, i am not falling. i am going to fly right into my own light. just you watch me.

too close to the sun

i was halfway through inking this when i realized it was a depiction of the story of icarus. i kept not liking it because i was like, “why are they all so upset?” then i realized it was icarus flying too close to the sun as his father watched in dismay. then i went ahead and found some of the backstory in the origins of the minotaur. this is the second time mythology has crept into an inking without my realizing it.

they are kind of like my dreaming. these inks. i just go with it, and when it is done, i’m all like, “oh. so that’s where my mind is.”

and apparently sheep are on my mind a lot. this is the third ink in a row with sheep in it. as i anxiously await more lambs and wonder what am i going to do with my lambs and how the fuck do you milk a sheep and i really need to build more pasture and i really need a boyfriend or husband or single mom to partner up with me and help me with all this….

and i continue to obsess about the one.
and then i obsess about my obsession.
do i want him back in my life because i am avoiding my own issues?
do i want him back in my life because i believe he is a missing element of myself?
is there such a thing as true love or is it all just a fabrication to sell flowers & diamonds?
am i silly to want him?
or am i brave?
can i be me…and still long for a man?

or is my wanting another relationship just my own example of flying too close to the sun?

tooclose1.JPG

 

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