a half century of me

a week from today i will have survived for one half of a century.
(that is the best way my brain can interpret what is happening)
i have never struggled with a number before…but i really really do not feel like i could possibly be this old.

root bound

here is what i am working through in my journal now.
those feelings of worthlessness & being unlovable…those feelings that came out in my backwards movement recently.
i want to stop it.
i want to stop feeling worthless.

backwards III

sometime after writing this page, i started feeling a bit better. one step forward, three steps back.
hopefully i will get turned back in the right direction soon.

i totally kept fucking up this drawing, but instead of starting over, i just kept drawing until i felt like i got it right. i kinda like how it turned out. another reminder to myself that i am the result of all of my fuck ups…but that might not be a bad thing.

balance doodle

maybe i should not go anywhere without my journal & pens. at least my energy worker/chiropractor had a set of magic markers for me to use when epiphany struck.

here’s the first page:

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