get the flock outta here

a wolf
but not in sheep’s clothing
(they itch too much)
a wolf trapped
in a pasture
letting the grass grow long
to the disgust
of the flock
hiding in the flowers
that the neighbor sheep
long to mow down
a wolf
in plain view
terrified of being noticed
of being
chastised & condemned
for being
who she
is.

(this is about me)
i’m freaking out about city ordinances & the fact that i really just don’t fit in. i grew up in a small town. i suffered for it. so now i move into an even smaller town?
maybe it will all be okay.
but, meanwhile, i am going to be hiding in plain sight, having some panic attacks and visions of angry mobs.

contrast

i am a spark of light
in a clay pot
i am my own prison
my own fortress
i am proud of my
heavy thickness
it keeps me safe
i am ashamed
of my
heavy thickness
it holds me back
i want to break out
of me
i want to hide away
inside me
i am lightening
in a bathtub
putting out my own
fire.

i was hoping to express something deep here. a feeling. the struggle i have inside me…with me. both physical & emotional.
i’m not sure i was successful.

i do like my illustrations lately though. i feel like i am doing some character development. building up to something new.

for what it’s worth

“what will you do for money?”
the question asked
when i quit my last “real” job
“i’ll get by on my good looks,”
is the answer given
“what do you do?”
“where do you work?”
“who’s your employer?”
n/a
i scribble
or
i’m a writer
i’m an artist
i’m a mother
(aka i have no income)
what is money
really
what is worth
what am i worth
to you
with no employer
with do husband
do i
still matter?

i decided at a very young age that i did not want to be part of the rat race. i watched my parents work full time & come home to watch tv. go to bed. wake up. do it all over again. buying expensive toys. worrying about money. never being happy or satisfied worrying about what they did not have….
i have worked many many many jobs. i have supported myself and still done what i want to do. i never really joined the rat race…. then i had a baby, fully intending to go back to work, but realizing that being a mom was what i wanted to be doing.
except that doesn’t pay. it’s not worth anything to anyone other than the mom & the child…& eventually society if the child becomes a functional & thriving member of said society…but, no, not worth anything.
so i became good at not spending money.
and good at not making money.
but still i have to answer this question. “what do you do?” as if it defines me.
i am a mother, artist, and a writer.
does it matter?

heavenly horses

so the story goes, in 1994 i was in virginia attending hollin’s university when one day i was on a walk and found a horse tangled up in barbed wire. the horse actually called me over to it & waited patiently as i untangled it. i knocked on the door of the house i assumed it belonged at, but there was no answer. i wanted to make sure someone knew this horse might need more attention, so i found the stable manager for hollin’s university and told her.
her answer was, “you will get your reward in heaven.”
over the years, i have never forgotten those words. as a pagan, i often turn them over in my mind…trying to understand what they mean.
i have actually used them on my children at times as it sounds like some weird brush off for an over-eager attention seeker…& it makes me laugh to say it.
lately i have started thinking about doing a story called riding horses in heaven loosely based on this.
now i am thinking it will be a graphic novel.
i have started doodling my heavenly horses….

episode three of moses jones

so i am trying to streamline my site. i am down to four pages. AND i updated my mojo page with episode three. so for those of you who have been waiting with bated breath….
those of you waiting for episode four…hmmm. i’m not sure…but when i do get to working on it, i will be posting new pages here as i shut down my patreon site.

books! books! books!

in addition to having confusion perfume & other neurotic comics available through amazon (or contact me for an autographed copy)
in its proofing stage, to be released soon this year, tangled together…a collection of flash fiction & short stories written by me over the last 30 years.

look mom, i’m a writer

“writing is a nice hobby,” they told me. “but what are you really going to do with your life?”

sadly, both my parents are dead, and i am unable to rub it in their faces that i have finally started publishing books….
i’m a late bloomer.
that or it took me 30 years to realize, “nope, this is what i am going to do. fuck real life.”
so!
confusion perfume & other neurotic comics has been published by tara caribou’s raw earth ink publishing as of last year & is available through amazon…or contact me for an autographed copy.
and now tara is tackling my collection of short stories, tangled together, that is flash fiction & short stories spanning the 30 years of my being a short story writer (before which i wrote novels)….
so exciting!
i will totally keep y’all updated!

i’m nanowrimo-ing

or trying to, at least
i’m working on two different projects
which has me working on stories
everyday
so, yay!
but no worries
i am still journaling
but need to get to inking
as well so i can post something
however
thoughts keep falling out of my head
before i can commit them to paper
you know how it goes
you think there is no way
you will forget something
& then it is gone.

but! until i can get some journal pages done, i will just go ahead & remind y’all that i did write a book and i do have a box of them sitting in my office waiting to be autographed & mailed to you!
you can paypal me…write me a check…mail me some cash…whatever gets this book in the mail to you.
if you need it, my email is quixoticmamama@gmail.com

xo

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