INKtober eighth

am i delusional
or spot-on
what is my motivation
here
is this a healthy urge
or a desperate
& warped
longing?
what is it i really
want?
i don’t know which ending
to root for
the one where we finally
work things out
see the error
of our ways
& determine to love each other
right?
or the one where
i triumphantly
move on?
if my life is a movie
would i be yelling at the screen for me
to run to him…
or away?

so many questions. i am trying to sit still and not do anything right now because my brain is obviously suffering some sort of…what? maybe i’m having a stroke. i just don’t know which way is up right now. the other day i googled “is it possible for people to change?”
i mean, i really want to believe he can change…sigh.
so basically i am emotionally paralyzed right now–or, rather, it’s like when they put a patient in a coma intentionally so they can deal with something life-threatening.
it’s like that.
i am in an emotional, self-induced coma for the time being.

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