Tag: friendship

my conflict

i am two of cups–balance–crossed by nine of cups–success.
what? how can my conflict be success, i think just before a heartfelt compliment, feelings of progress,
& a night out with friends sends me into a downward spiral.
oh
so that’s how.
i think, remembering the therapist who would warn me before giving me a compliment after she realized
i reacted the same to nice words as i did to bad ones.

i am still reeling, i’m afraid. over a week after i wrote this post. i am still struggling to believe i am a good & productive person who deserves praise. this is my longest downward spiral in quite forever…is it my transformation? once i survive this, will i be forever changed for the better? i guess that is what we will find out.
but today finds me breaking ties with a friend who has taken advantage & put me in the position of her enabler…today finds me having to rescue a broken sister even though it is the last thing i want to be doing.
but i don’t want to forget about my own journey. i can’t forget about my own healing. or is this all part of that?

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friendship pains

friendship
can be an ugly bird
squatting on a carcass
& laughing
at the people
we love.

this one doesn’t really make a lot of sense. i was angry with a friend who i felt was treating me callously.
i am terribly terribly anti-social. being my friend is not easy. i blame it on my scorpio rising. i just have a nasty sting when provoked.
so
this journal page happened because i felt slighted.

don’t even get me started on my across the street neighbor….

in other news…inappropriate comics with pandas!

i’m not sure about this one…i was thinking of the sound of music for some reason & pandas & well, this just kinda got away from me. i apologize. i think it is the most recent stay-at-home order making me extra inappropriate.

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day of the dead

drinking a whiskey
with my dead
listening to echoes
in my head
light a candle
pour the drink
leave the music on
it’s too quiet to think

for clear reasons, i rarely rhyme my verse. but this one just kind of happened that way.

remember that time i spent the summer living on the land of a member of the ho-chunk nation? a man named reykunami? he spent most of the summer complaining to me about my friend whom he was dating on & off. their on & off again dating cycle ended two days after i wrote this art journal page. she texted me to tell me he had taken her out for margaritas to celebrate the day of the dead. so i wrote this verse. two days later she texted me to tell me he had died. he just laid down on his couch on a warm november day and never woke up again.
the ho-chunks call this “walking on.”
reykunami walked on.
i have conflicted feelings. he was a bit of a son of a bitch & reminded me a lot of dusty in his manipulations…but he had a good heart & did a lot for the rights of nature… and he led such a colorful life!
next year i will make sure to share my whiskey with him.

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my would-be friend

missing my would-be friend…
an art journal page because i’m saddened by the death of a person i really would have liked to have taken the time to know better.
sadly, he committed suicide & all i am left with is regret…i wish i would have reached out to him & shared my own darkness with him so maybe he would not have felt so alone & so lost.

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new moon manifestation

new moon manifestation

community
i crave
long for
authentic
community
real friends
real people
looking to build
something
amazing
grow something
incredible
together
create a healthy
sustainable
supportive
loving caring
community.

years ago i lived in a cooperative house. i loved it & hated it. it was set up in downtown madison and housed 30 people. it called itself “family friendly.” it was an incredible experience that made me realize how much i crave a community. however, the house itself attracted mostly college students & single white men. neither having much of a “family friendly” slant.
oh. i have stories.
so many stories…but that house was not for me.
but like i tend to do in life, i took what i liked and put the rest of it in a catapult.

ever since, i have been trying to figure out how to create a cooperative community. growers. artists. nature-lovers. children. animals. creators. builders.
the whole world.
i want the whole world in my backyard…er…i mean our backyard.

it could happen.
i just have to keep up with my new moon manifestations.

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