summer solstice

he comes in
smelling of mown grass
& fading lilacs
showered in crabapple blossoms
raining down
as the fruit begins
to grow
sunflowers bowing
before him
he brings us
long days
and warm nights
tomatoes
peppers
& basil
fireflies & treefrogs

i know it’s like a month away, but my art has taken a turn from spring colors to summer ones. the dirt has been calling to me to plant & plant & plant, & i’ve had to regretfully mow my lawn, cutting down dandelions & violets…. though i did go out to gather as many violet flowers & leaves as i could before mowing (still using a reel mower too!)
i made violet pesto the other day, and now i am hooked on it. mow the lawn & make a yummy snack.

no longer haunted….

i am thinking about this a lot. it seems me & my life are in all sorts of transition.
though i’m not sure how to be me without being haunted, i am willing to find out.

(somewhat inspired by a shel silverstein illustration here)

the end of the world & you

here’s an art journal page from the other day after i watched a huge crow eat some of the peas i planted.
i don’t mind sharing.
i’m not sure who the “you” is in this bit of free verse. hopefully, i will find out one day.

balance doodle

maybe i should not go anywhere without my journal & pens. at least my energy worker/chiropractor had a set of magic markers for me to use when epiphany struck.

here’s the first page:

desperate

when you walked
through the door
it was the best part
of my
every day
you were my best
friend
you were the person
i wanted to tell
everything
everything
i would have plucked
my heart
out of my chest
to show you
so you could see
what you meant to me


you took
what i gave you
& you
twisted it into
some
obscene
version
of what my love
was
you took
what i gave you
& you
gave me nothing
i am
nothing
to you
you took
what i gave you
& you
left me
empty
empty
& desperate
to hear
my dead heart
beat
again.

furthermore…

here’s another art journal page inspired by my religiously intolerant soon-to-be-ex publisher.
i was trying to be understanding of his taking over 2 times what he said it would take to publish my collection & never answering my emails, but his telling me that magic is only in the mind of a human was just too much for me.
so i’m starting from scratch on publishing my short story collection…if you have any recommendations for small presses, let me know.

art in response to fuddy duddies

i had a clash with one of my publishers. i was trying to be a supportive friend in his time of crisis…but then we totally clashed on a religious plane. he is an atheist, & i am pagan. i was willing to accept his position–he was not willing to accept mine.
so i got pissy.
in my defense, a friend of mine drank all my beer so i have no salve for the rabies in my brain.
i got in a big text fight with dusty on the same day.
sometimes i just really need a beer….
anyhoo
i have found that atheists tend to be even more intolerant of other ideologies than christians are.
& this dude proved me right once more.
sigh.
but it has worked out. he has become my un-a-muse-d.

love letters & mermaid memories

i know y’all have been missing my so-called poetry….so here’s one i wrote yesterday (since i have not yet gotten my mojo pages in order….)

i am not going
to mail
this letter
i am not going
to hit “send”
blasting
my words
like confetti
in a storm
something that my primate brain
can accept
but can never
understand
so easily
&
instantly
bathing my victim
in my obsessive loneliness
despite his being many miles
away
many worlds
apart
from me
how many times
have i written this letter
how many people have looked away
as i exposed myself
pen on paper
fingers on a keyboard
my stupid message
in a stupid bottle
my longing to be heard
to be understood
by some
warm
body
somebody
am i special
to think someone
could love me
an impossible
thing
that comes so easily
to everyone else

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