short story converted to comic
thanks to the enthusiasm of tara caribou, confusion perfume will be published in a collection with a couple other neurotic comics by your friendly neighborhood comic stripper (me)…stay tuned for updates on that!
i often borrowed from my fiction writing while doing my confusion perfume strip. this is from another short piece–but pretty much explains my rampant escapism when it comes to relationships.
on screen ninja fights
zombies swords flash save the world…
meanwhile, life wasted
i’ve been spending my day sorting through files & files of stories. some are just a couple of words, an idea. some are complete & surprisingly well written stories. i have found that a lot of my stories have a similar voice. i am taking those snippets and adding them to a novel i am working on with the same voice.
threading it all together.
i am also posting some of them over on my patreon site & considering some for possible publication?
this haiku was in the middle of a file full of short stories/flash fiction i had written back in a time i used to submit to the site Helium all the time.
i am pretty sure it is about my ex-husband & my feelings about his video game addiction.
& this was not the only written piece i found obsessing about my ex-husband & the wrongs he did to me.
which brings me to my tarot card reading for the beltane new moon. a lot of good stuff in this reading.
but the bad stuff…not letting go. the moon crossing me warns about it…so does the card in my “near future” position of the spread.
so i wonder. what is it that i am not letting go of? all i can think of is this anger i still have toward my ex-husband.
how do i let go?
i truly want to.
some time later…
okay, so! i was quietly obsessing about all the stuff i should be doing here at my mom’s house as squatter/care-taker, when i thought, “maybe that’s it…maybe i am stuck here–actually stuck at this place.” worrying about the lawn, the wet basement, and then reminding myself, “it’s not my goddamned property, monkey-boy!” (buckaroo banzai)…. my mom called me the other day about the basement & spent the entire call bitching about my sister who is trying her best to care for my mom. my mom said, “she was never my favorite.”
what the fuck, mom?
she also bitched about dad dying & leaving her to deal with this house & property that she wanted to sell years ago. i kind of agree that that was a shitty thing to do.
the next day, as i was attempting to meditate (meditation is surprisingly difficult for my loud brain to do,) my phone rang with “pure evil” coming up on the screen. so i kept on trying to meditate, but got a sick feeling in my stomach. my mom left a message, but before i could check the message, i checked my email where my sister (or brother-in-law as they share an email) emailed me to say, “don’t answer the phone!”
so i deleted the message from my mom without listening to it.
long story short, my mom doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me & i know damn well that i was never her favorite either.
she only calls me on occasion when no one else will listen to her.
so why am i stressing out trying to care for a place that is not mine for a woman who can’t stand me?
i am free to leave.
but it’s not easy leaving a place where i don’t have to worry about rent & utilities & keeping a roof over my four minions’ heads….
have i sold my soul for a free place to live? it kind of feels that way.
it kind of feels like that scene in labyrinth where sarah is in her “bedroom” & has forgotten her quest because she is surrounded by superficially comforting “things.”
or, as i wrote a couple days ago, it feels like “hotel california.”
i have often compared this experience to the shining as well….
and there in my tarot spread, you can see. i am stuck in “opposition” while change is my conflict card.
change should not be a conflict for me. i love change.
so i have chosen a third town as a possible new home. i was going to road trip there tomorrow, but the forecast calls for storms & rain today & the two days after.
i am stuck.
the basement might flood again if i am not here.
but how long can this go on?
i tried to mow the lawn today, and the mower died. am i going to hire someone to repair it? or someone to mow these acres of grass?
or am i just going to walk away?
i want to just walk away.
i really truly do.
so why do i feel so stuck?
when i was not even yet 20
i had written
three or four books
& working on the next one
on an electric typewriter
sending off pages & pages
an impressive collection of rejections
i knew i was going to be a famous
i knew it…
but life got in the way
“but what are you really going to be?”
“shouldn’t you be looking for a job
with health insurance”
(punk rock little me
as long as i have planned parenthood
why do i need insurance?)
i am almost fifty
still punk rock
but not yet
my collection of stories–some from those times when i was 20…some from an almost 50 (but still punk rock!!) mother of four…and all the time in between–my collection of short stories has been accepted by a small press in ohio.
a punk rock press, of course.
i should be excited…& i think i am…but maybe after so many years of being quietly unpublished, i am not sure how to make noise about being published….
give me a day or two.
and happy earth day, y’all…but, remember, every day is earth day!!
(i don’t know if anyone ever notices…but i often use movie quotes or mangled movie references in my posts. it amuses me. this one is from robocop (the real one) in reference to clarence saying, “guns! guns! guns!” man, i love robocop….)
so, idle hands being the devil’s playground…or something like that…. i am, at least, keeping busy despite my mental breakdown.
so yay for that.
over on my patreon page, you can find the full posts of an except from my novel-in-progress: chasing ghosts
i’ve been working on it for over 20 years now, so you know it’s good.
also! i am finishing up illustrating benjamin davis’s story fetish. one more page to go on this installment. hopefully he & i will continue working together, & i will be doing more in the future.
and, as always, my adventures as the invisible exhibitionist continue via my art journal self-portrait series.
here’s what it looks like when i try to draw a car
i’m trying to illustrate a scene from my novel-in-progress chasing ghosts where the male lead drives a ’65 impala.
i can’t draw cars…but, compared to the other things i find i can’t do lately…this one, at least, i can use some artistic license with.
i have been thinking
i added another tier to my patreon page
a $1 tier where i can post my art journal pages
works in progress
& sneak peeks
which means i will not be posting as much here
it’s an exercise
in taking myself seriously
and trying to make a go of my dreams
but as a girl
who always gives it away
and who doesn’t mind
giving it away
loving the idea of a world of trade &
a world where money is not an issue
but today i have to buy
clothes & shoes for my kids
buy food for my pets
buy art supplies so i can keep doing art
spend money to support
other artists & writers
(also, one day soon, pay rent &
the bulk of my posts
will be over on my patreon page
for one dollar a month.
i understand if this is too much
i totally get it.
but maybe, just maybe i can get some patrons
& then be able to afford to do the same
for my fellow
artists & writers & crafters of all types.
whether you join me over on patreon or not, i really really really appreciate your support.
& i’m not disappearing from here, i just have realized how much energy i spend on this site and wonder what would happen if i put that energy into trying to earn money for my art.
it always seems
i am looking
from a place
i am my own diane fossey
the mountain gorillas
of my mind
i am always
to come down
with my human
i am turning myself into a work of fiction for my fallen series. this is an interesting development for me. i mean, it’s me…but on a fictional level. i am sure other writers are familiar with this. becoming their own characters. being a character…as well as the creator. this isn’t the first time, of course. all my life i have been a character in my own story.
okay, several characters, depending on which voice is narrating.
the fallen series is just a new flavor for me…(new flavor of me?)
i like it.