some may think I'm just a fool tilting at windmills, but maybe I'm not
i am irrelevant
redundant
pointless
and cannot spell “irrelevant” apparently. thank god for autocorrect.
as spoken of yesterday…loneliness & strong beer kinda made me spin out. or maybe i was just overdue for a visit from my demons…
i drew a cat because my cats are driving me up a wall. plotting against me. hunting my fairies. new house; old cats. we are all figuring it all out all over again.
we are the children of the fey
with green blood
running in our veins
a wildness
in our hearts
we dance
to a music
only we can hear
we live by words
everyone else
has forgotten
our purpose
is to bring a remembering
to turn our heart’s music
way
way up
so everyone can hear
so everyone
can dance.
i’m reading a book the way of the wild witch & it resonates quite a bit with me most times. some times not as much…but when the author writes about having fey blood passed on from years ago when the fey & humans were yummy with one another…that totally struck a chord with me
i was all like “of course–that’s why i’m this way!”
feral & green & always feeling like i don’t quite fit in….
so that was kind of cool
& empowering.
weird for a reason, y’all.
first
my second ex-fiance
then
my first ex-fiance
reached out to me
on the internets
of late
a ghost of 1989
a ghost of 1993
both
with dark hair
&
brown eyes
both
leos
& not complete fuckers
like many many other men
in my past (& present)
so
reflecting on such
& noticing
things happening in threes
i guess
i wait
with baited breath
for a third
&
fresh
fiance to find me
tell me if you see
a dark haired
brown eyed
leo.
a little art journaling/meditation about my (so far very uneventful) man-hunt.
i do wonder….
so i have my sheep fingers…and now angels/fairies with hands for wings–what do i call them? handy angels? angel fives? clappers?
i haven’t journaled in a few days…i have been relatively angst-free…. but i expect i will be journaling more soon about issues with dusty & my touch & go attempts at reuniting.
but, in this moment of relative peace & calm…here’s to everyday magic.
here’s another art journal page inspired by my religiously intolerant soon-to-be-ex publisher.
i was trying to be understanding of his taking over 2 times what he said it would take to publish my collection & never answering my emails, but his telling me that magic is only in the mind of a human was just too much for me.
so i’m starting from scratch on publishing my short story collection…if you have any recommendations for small presses, let me know.
i had a clash with one of my publishers. i was trying to be a supportive friend in his time of crisis…but then we totally clashed on a religious plane. he is an atheist, & i am pagan. i was willing to accept his position–he was not willing to accept mine.
so i got pissy.
in my defense, a friend of mine drank all my beer so i have no salve for the rabies in my brain.
i got in a big text fight with dusty on the same day.
sometimes i just really need a beer….
anyhoo
i have found that atheists tend to be even more intolerant of other ideologies than christians are.
& this dude proved me right once more.
sigh.
but it has worked out. he has become my un-a-muse-d.
maybe i should not have
but i drowned
all the fairies
in a glass of beer
with a drip of
soap
drunken little bastards
they never returned
the pen
they stole
but now i find myself
crossing my fingers
& waiting
for the little voices
to whisper
again
telling me
what to write
guiding
my pen
in stories
they pull
from somewhere
deep
dark
inside me
as i watch
& wonder
“where the fuck
did they find
that?”
i found a fairy wing
in my coffee today
i don’t know how
it got there
i can only
hope
like a gecko
the creature in question
can grow
a new one
i found a smile
on my face
today
i don’t know
how it got there
it seems
years
since it last
wandered
on
i can only hope
like the moon
in the night
it continues
to light
my
way
through the dark.
so
yeah
the older boys wouldn’t let me play dungeons & dragons
with them…
but really i only wanted to play
because the neighbor boy was so
cute.
i’m not a fantasy nut.
okay…i watch game of thrones
but that is more for the story
than for the fantasy…
sure
i believe in fairies
& think hobbits have it going on…
but i’m not
you know
geeking out on it or anything.
i draw a lot of dragons.
and i might be feeling kind of conflicted about that.
i mean,
dragons?
really?
that’s just one step above unicorns.
i mean,
it’s kind of like unicorns for angry people.
(again, no offense to lovers of unicorns…and dragons)
i don’t know why dragons keep showing up in my art.
and i am feeling conflicted about it.
but at least dragons do kick some butt, you know.
except pete’s dragon.
oh elliot….
sigh.
so i guess i do like dragons.
ones that sing.
holy crap, which isn’t any better than unicorns.
(here’s my ink stain)
