maybe he still holds me
into my heart
maybe he still keeps me
in a prison
with no bars
i think i am free
i am not…
how many times
have i left him
he still holds
refusing to let me
he pounds another nail
into my coffin
he is keeping me
as i was driving, monday, to take the minions to meet their dad, i glimpsed another passenger in my car when i glanced to the rear view mirror.
shortly after, i drove past a cemetery with a fresh grave.
i wondered, will their father be there, at the meeting place?
or am i finally free?
i was sure that my ex-husband had died.
however, as we now know, it was my father who had died, not theirs.
i thought that if my ex-husband had died, i would be a little sad. i mean, my kids would lose their dad…but i would also feel…
kinda the way i felt when i found out it was in fact my father who had died.
on retrospect, i guess i shouldn’t be surprised that i got the energy of my dead dad mixed up with the energy of my ex-husband…i mean, there is a reason i often choose charming narcissistic assholes to be with.
& what i wonder now is…can’t i be free without anyone else having to die? how do i break the binds that he keeps me tied with? because i truly believe that his not letting me go is stopping me from being truly free of him.