becoming

who am i becoming?
so intent
on transformation
did i stop to think
what i would be
next
who i would be
now?
who do i want
to be?
i guess that
is the question
in becoming
i need to draw
a map
to the true me.

this is an ongoing thing. i am emerging from the trauma of having a birthday & am once again trying to move forward. i keep meaning to meditate on this…yup. that’s me, forgetting to meditate on who i am. that’s who i am…but is that who i want to be?

emerging

there is no room
to stretch
my body hurts
what was supposed to protect
(& did in its time)
now suffocates
& limits growth
encouraging
stagnation
&
decay….
so!
i close my eyes
& visualize
the blood pumping
into wet wings
growing
stronger
growing beautiful
& amazing
i will lift & soar
on the warm sunny wind
i will float
like magic
towards the light
of my moon.

this should be the last one on breaking out of a cocoon because i think i have done it. the new year helped me to shed the last of my old skin and now i can breathe!
my kids were with their dad the whole first week of this year, enabling me to fully dive into my emergence…if that makes sense.
with their return, i have felt a stumble in my force…a hiccup…but i can see it & understand it & am certain i can be a mom, an artist, and a whole person, all three at the same time even!

ps. this is one of the crap inkings i mentioned in my previous post. but! i do try to post all my pages whether i like how they turn out or not. tomorrow will be another one i don’t especially like…but i am working on one for the two pages after that that i really like.

stay tuned!

coffin of change

how long have i been
trapped
in this cocoon
it is moot to wonder
who put me in here
no one person
did
but here i am
a coffin of change
my wings
growing in
are trapped
unable to fly
not quite
ready
to fly
but first
how do i get
out?
removing layer
after layer
sometimes clawing
as if for my very
life
sometimes
coaxing & caressing….
is that sunshine
i see?
a light?
can i feel a breeze…?

regarding the illustration, i have been asked to play with the image of the ardhanarishvara, a hindu composite of a god & a goddess. both the male & the female.
i had a bit of a challenge doing this, as i realized how feminine my men are & how masculine my women are. but a lot of the traditional representations of the ardhanarishvara are similar in their androgyny.
i have a lot of experience with feeling both an internal male energy alongside my female energy & feel very androgynous.
it used to be my male was the dominant one, but little by little my inner goddess is making herself heard.

regarding the verse…this is where i am. i’m not sure how long i have been here. i feel like it has been a long time. i am hoping to find my way out & into a transformation soon….

itching to leave my cocoon

itching to leave my cocoon
itching to bloom
i’ve been in here too long
safe & snug
throughout my cold & dark
transformation
into a bright eruption
a moth to the moon
a bee to a flower
my purpose
awaits.

stream of consciousness verse. that’s basically how my brain works. if you ever have a conversation with me in person, it’s not too different than reading my brain outbursts here & in my art journal.
disjointed thoughts
mixed metaphors
backstories
in all the wrong places….

but i digress! i am itching to get out of my cocoon. i feel like that is what my time here at my childhood home has been. i feel like that is what my submerging myself into my art journal exploration of my dark & drippy psyche has been.
i’ve written out all the parts of my brain that i can right now. i’ve written them out to make room for new thoughts.
revolutions & epiphanies await.
just have to shake free of the rest of this
chrysalis
rise from my tomb
& go.

for a front row seat to all the amazing things i will do…just a dollar a month, y’all.https://www.patreon.com/emjemccarty

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑