my soul turns to stone & it is impossible
to pick it up. my heart is slowly
sinking & i desperately look for
anything i can throw overboard
i am a hungry dog with a bone
–barely a bone even–
& i guard it with all i have left
of me because it is all i have left
of me.

this is my still trying to dig myself back up to the surface of me…and just going deeper & deeper instead. i was getting body work done when i started this thought in my head and it was all i could do to not just run screaming away from the appointment because it just wasn’t working. nothing was working. i feel this way, & i don’t know how to stop. i just have to write down what i am feeling and wait for the ebb to come.

what’s this?

what’s this?
i don’t feel crazy this day
what’s this?
how do i function when my world isn’t falling apart?
how do i be a version of me angst-free?

sometimes my brain doesn’t feel like it’s on fire, and it’s like when you have had a constant pain & then it disappears. it is exactly like that.
i have been spiraling downward for a few weeks now. it’s not common for me to spend that long in my dark places. i have figured a lot of things out while traipsing through those dark places…but it is nice, every once in awhile, to be able to come up for air.

in other news…

the freestore i started last winter is open again!

i am starting a writer’s/artist’s group on monday…

my art show (the invisible exhibitionist) is going up this weekend?

& my book is due for release on october 1st.

i’m only freaking out a little. okay. so i am super-dooper freaking out & my imposter syndrome feels like i am about to step off a cliff & spiral downward into the abyss…but, you know, otherwise…exciting stuff.

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