playing with pastels

sometimes the inks just aren’t messy enough. i have been playing with pastels and having a lot of fun. i am not sure where i’m going, but i am really liking some of the results.

the mother & child is a mix of ink & pastels. also i used ink in the skies of the horse drawings.

cheating on inktober

the other night
i had a dream
that i should add acrylics
to my ink drawings

so i woke up & tried it

top image:
“patron saint of forgotten love spells” 9X12 ink & acrylics on watercolor paper…$60 (suggested price)

fire

last but
certainly
not least
fire
my fire
i love to watch you dance
& so often
i burn myself
on your flames
but i come back again
& again
because
even it it does not make sense
for water
to love fire
i crave
your bright & enduring heat.

(this one dedicated to the many many many fire signs i have adored–both friends & lovers)

earth

to the earth
i go
to ground myself
because i so often
need
grounding
adrift
in my watery self
let me
dig in the dirt
& build
my home.

air

i drift on the air
lost in my thoughts
feeling
the air move
through me
around me
away
from me
my thoughts
escaping
me.

water

i start with water
because i am
water
a cancer
with scorpio rising
i am an emotional
soup
blood, sweat, and especially
tears
i wash myself away
& emerge
baptized.

elemental

i’m feeling angsty.
like my art sucks
which is dumb…but it is what it is
so!
instead of moping
i am fiddling with my style.
i will post one each day
for the next few days
of my elemental
doodles.

who’s your daddy?

i am meditating on my inner father lately
after realizing
i have never met him
but i have been having so many dreams lately
with my father in them
a father whom i do not consider a father figure
so i asked myself
what does my inner father look like?
who is he?
what is my relationship with him?

my inner mother, on the other hand
has grown stronger
since i let her in
comforting
reassuring
letting me know
i’m not a fuck up
&
i am loved.

enough

i watched him fall down
a full flight of stairs once
& land on his feet
i was totally attracted
to how self-destructive
he was
that tended to be
my favorite part of people
the part i could
recognize

the part i could

understand

that wanting to erase yourself….
i took him home that night

that falling down drunk night
i lured him away
from the other girls
with their naughty reputations
“for his own good” i told myself
i lured him with promises of blowjobs
it was the second time 
& last time
we would have sex
for as much as i loved him
& obsessed over him
for all the years i spent following him
with my heart on my sleeve

it turns out
he wasn’t self-destructive enough

to love me back.

doodles

i am trying to stretch my brain
my abilities
i feel like there is more i can be doing
should be doing
with my art & writings….

as i doodled the above doodle (inspired by my 10 year old telling me that she saw one of the hills around us move), my two youngest watched & egged me on. it felt good. it made me wonder if maybe i should write & illustrate a children’s book…
at the very least, i want to be doing more comics.
and then there is the question of putting myself out there for other possibilities…facing my fears…self-promotion & all things scary….

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