the world is a stage

my life is full time
LARPing
one of the things i actually
enjoy
about motherhood

i said the thing about LARPing to my ex the other day as i was wearing my “utility belt” with my bokken tucked into it. i have goggles, tiaras, tutus, boots, belts, hats, and a variety of real & toy weapons that i play with.
life is a dress up party. or (from a poem i once wrote) every day is halloween.

we have friends who LARP (live action role playing for y’all who aren’t nerds)…but i am not sure i ever stop role playing. maybe there is a term for this? motherhood?

i think i channeled some shel silverstein in this quick comic doodle.

more comic doodles

titled: notes from the motherhood

i’ve begun to fantasize about billy bob thornton

billy bob: these children giving you a hard time, ma’am?
i can take care of them for you….

my thinking: i’m not sure what he means by “take care of”
but at this point i’m ready to roll those dice.it has been a hard time at madness manor while children’s nastiness runs at full speed. i am not sure how many of them wished me dead yesterday. i wonder if those parents who spank & do worse are actually doing the right thing because being a kind & affectionate mom seems to be failing miserably? will they grow up to be nice adults despite being assholes as kids? i was physically & emotionally abused as a child–which prevented me from being an asshole–but now i am a hot mess of a grown up. will it work opposite for my kids?
these are the things i wonder as they scream horrible things merely because they did not get what they wanted….
to beat or not to beat my kids?
i do not have the stomach to be an abusive parent…but i can write comics!

obviously i need to look at what billy bob thornton actually looks like. i plan to practice that with some google pics….
meanwhile, i did doodle some pictures of nasty little children
& one doodle of one of my actual children, but not looking nasty today. pleasant children mostly today….

dream lover

you showed up in my dream
again
always there
sweet as pie
miles away in the morning
but by my side
still
in my memories
in my wishes?

i was doodling my dream lover and then added these speech bubbles. apparently dream lover wants me to focus on comics. i’m cool with that. it’s not like i have a shortage of ideas.

fine!

so i was talking to michael coates about collaborating with him on some stories he’s written.
like, talking on the phone.
& he lives on a totally different continent than i do. & he talks really fast. & i’m not always sure i can understand when people talk british.
but
i was doing my best.
except, you know the rule (it might be one of einstein’s theories–i can’t remember for sure) something about how much more likely a child will have to immediately-now speak to a parent if they are on the phone?
so that was happening.
at one point my six year old came in to tell me, “clementine says, ‘fine’.”
i tried to remember, as i conversed over the ocean, what the question was that the answer was “fine.”
it was beyond me.
but my not responding fast enough insured that my eight year old then came into the kitchen to tell me, “i said ‘fine’,” repeatedly until i was forced to tell her ‘okay’ to an answer to a question that i had either forgotten or not known in the first place.

when i was little i was convinced people could not hear when on the phone because my mom was so good at pretending i was not there while she talked on the phone.

long story short…i doodled the word “fine” & then doodled a picture that i based this inking on.
fine.
i also found myself adding it to the dialogue in the page of moses jones i am working on.

(i just realized i forgot to add too many shadows…but i will still post it.)

sky blue eyes & an artichoke heart

i have been a bit brain dead of late & have not been furiously journaling as usual.
i’m not sure what is going on, but future journal posts will touch on my weird state of non-agitation since, fuck it, i have to journal about something!
this page of my journal was just my trying to get my brain moving. as lynda barry teaches, i started with spirals. at the very least, spirals work to calm me down.
but, again, i am already strangely calm.
so not used to being calm.
but from making spirals, i ended up contemplating my artichoke heart….

on the road again

from the flatlands of illinos
to the rolling hills of wisconsin
squatting
both literally & figuratively
in the wild driftless region
waiting for fate
to open a door
(or window)
to a new home
for me & the minons

i am still doing art. mostly doodles. and writing in my journal to keep myself sane as my whole world is turned upside down…in a good way…but still terrifying.

doodles

i have written eight art journal pages since last night
eight art journal pages in my new journal
but i have yet to draw me…
i am having a bit of a creep day
(radiohead would understand)
and drawing requires
a more delicate touch
or maybe i will just go with the thick
black
angry
lines
that are bound to happen when
inking while angsty….
however
the drawings will come
as i have decided
one
cannot
do
too many self-portraits.
so stay tuned, my lovelies….

some doodles for those of you who think i’m a one trick pony…haha…i got lots of tricks…i am a tricksey hobbit.

to do list for the week of no minions:
illustrations for another writer’s work
pages of moses jones
self-portrait art journal pages
the invisible exhibitionist
chasing ghosts
maps! maps! maps!

see? very tricksey

scribbles & doodles & coloring pages

as i drink my tea
forsaking the coffee
(which taunts me
yumminess
paired
with
addiction
& achy kidneys)
i eat my toast
with jam
and referee
squabbles
while considering
my own scribbles
an itch at the back
of my mind
something undiscovered
something untapped
i can feel
something
wonderful
if i can just get my pen
& brain
to work as one.

i was watching flowers on netflix, a delightfully dark british sitcom. the patriarch of the family flowers writes dark children’s books about trolls. the illustrations immediately drew me in. so i started doodling some trolls of my own to see if i could.
today i found this other doodle on the brown paper that i use in between sheets of my journal to keep the ink from leaking onto blank pages. i doodle on it sometimes, but hadn’t looked at it in awhile. i found this drawing appealing in the same way as the troll illustrations.
however, i am not sure where to go with either one of them. so i guess i will just keep messing around until i figure it out.

meanwhile, i have become misha’s artist on demand for coloring pages. she had me do two more this morning and has requested a mom & dad dragon with baby dragons after i do a picture of myself & her dad riding a swan.
i asked if the swan could be flying while i am pushing her dad off of the swan, and she began pretend crying & ran from the room.
sigh.
the things i do for my minions (i don’t want to be near that motherfucker even in illustration. i can barely look at the illustration for “absolution” from a few days back. ack! but now i have to ride a goddamn swan with him….)

ps. unlike her brothers, misha is not colorblind. just to be sure, i asked her about her colored page, “what color is the grass?” she replied, “orange.”
& i said, “awesome.”
my girl.

random thoughts II

y’all should know, random thoughts posts are more likely to happen if i’ve had a beer or two…. i like beer. IPA if you are thinking of sending me some. flying dog‘s raging bitch is my current favorite for many reasons ranging from name to taste to label artwork….

but i digress.

last night i was watering the livestock (so i don’t have to do it in the morning when i am just fucking sleepy & not eager to do extra work) when fidgit & iggy attacked me with water balloons. i was armed with the hose while they launched their attack. i got two water balloons to the head & felt mostly proud that my son had such good aim. soon misha was on the side of her brothers, armed with water balloons…i think she may have been their patsy, while poppy was on my side, taking his turn with the hose when i resorted to chasing them with buckets full of water intended for tomorrow goats. he stood his ground & was my little braveheart with his mad hose skills.

it was crazy fun. a twilight game of war. something that happens when the planets are aligned & everyone is in just the right mood & no one storms off, pissed off, screaming that they hate so & so and vowing that we will all rue the day. instead, we had fun. instead, we were a family.
enough to keep my faith that everything could turn out okay.

i started writing down my random thoughts after last time when i had forgotten them all. these are the thoughts that aren’t quite important enough, coherent enough, “poetic” enough to qualify for an entire art journal page…but thoughts that i long to share nonetheless.

random thoughts:

*i am living by a different set of instincts than the general public. i question the instincts most give in to (consume consume consume) while i honor the ones most people push away in order to follow the mob mentality.

*i’m so sexy when i’m drunk

*having a clean house is grossly over-rated. i kick myself for not house-keeping up with the joneses…but my spiders are so so happy.

*i really don’t have to look for a reason to drink

*note to self: keep poppy away from babies

*i’ve decided that mowing the lawn is also very over-rated

*note to self: keep all knives out of poppy’s reach.

these are random things i write down in my journal as they tromple through my brain. things i would post on facebook or twitter if i were a fan of social media sites rather than having a healthy fear of them. these are things that make me giggle or feel “special.”

thank you for listening.
on to our regularly scheduled navel-gazing art-journaling.

profundity

no one is as sad
as me
no one is as lonely
as i am
a pain so profound
i feel as if i can pick it up
& hold it in my hand
a disease
so contagious
i feel as if there is no way
i cannot
inflict it upon those
i love
best.

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