INKtober twenty-first

leftover love
stuck
in the corners
of my
heart
like those spiders
living in my window panes
i just try to pretend
it is normal
accepted
and not really happening
leftover love
do i warm it up?
or let it stay cold
pushed to the back
of the fridge
growing
crusty.

a poem about my housekeeping skills…or lack thereof?

after another close call with sliding back into my dusty knickers…i wrote a letter/list of all the reasons i divorced him. quite an impressive list if one is impressed by a person’s ability to sabotage a relationship…anyhoo, the letter helped me to see more clearly & to remember why i am divorced.
i wrote it because i realized–amidst an argument over the phone after i told him that our getting back together was a bad idea–i realized he has never taken any blame in my divorcing him.
he presents it as: she divorced me; she is bad & deserving of my treating her like crap.
when, in fact, i had many many many reasons for divorcing him & gave him chance after chance after chance before divorcing him.
ack.
like he thinks i just flipped a coin & decided to turn all of our lives upside down??
seriously…it appears as if that is how he views my decision to divorce him.
so i wrote a list.
a long list.
which helped me, at least. and–hopefully–will help him accept his role in our relationship crashing & burning.

now i prepare for another long, cold winter–alone (you know, except for the four kids, four goats, two cats, a puppy, dozens of ducks, chickens, geese, a turkey named hamlet, & a ewe named elsa.) at least i know how to keep myself busy.

strangely, i do feel relieved to let go (again!) of hope for a dusty & me revival tour.

INKtober fifteenth

my inner world
has the most
glorious landscape
my inner world
has the most terrifying
landscape
lush & desolate
all at once
leaving me
hopeful
&
heartbroken
every minute
of every
day
i am the madman
i am also
the windmill
i am the happily ever after
i am also
the
to be
continued….

another tribute to my namesake. i borrowed heavily from this image

windmill

not only did i not do it justice…but also could i not figure out who to give credit to. i love this artwork though. it is beautiful. seeing it next to my inking though, i feel like i need to re-do mine. yikes. but as usual, it was kind of a quick sketch (done after a day of digging up sweet potatoes…so i am extra tired.)

INKtober fourteenth

today i am empty
today i am nothing
cold
raw
chapped & chafed
a
chaotic void
my
desperation wanes
however
as i accept
my own
overwhelming
fucktardery
my
ridiculousness
today i am absurd
every day i am quixotic
perhaps
that is why
i survive
despite the desolate
corners of my soul
& the shadows
that creep & chill
my heart
my hope.

shout out to cervantes & picasso for today’s ink-spiration.
so, hey…i started this poem in a dark place. but as i was writing it, i was also doing yoga. i like to multi-task, y’all. anyhoo…the yoga seemed to help dislodge some of my zen blockage as it were…and i kind of ended on a high-ish note.
kind of?
i cannot recommend yoga enough for physical, mental, & emotional health. i don’t care what your flexibility or mental state is–yoga works. this is my girl: yoga with adrienne.  i love her. she has helped me out of many a dark & painful place.

hmmm…even though i used ink brush…i’m not sure today qualifies as inktober since i did not use ink pen? unless you consider that i wrote the text in pen & do consider my text an essential part of my art??

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