a new day

would i have
discovered
my strength
if i had
had
parents
who supported me?
would i have
learned
to love myself
if i had not have
had
to swim
in seas of rejection
for so much
of my life?
did i choose
this life
after all?
in some cosmic
challenge
an obstacle course
a scavenger
hunt
to find the best
version
of me
throw away the
“could have beens”
here is
who you are
here is
who you have
become.

the theme of “if only” is one that i have let hold me back for most of my life. now i find myself wondering if it was all for the best after all. i mean, it has been a long & tough fucking road…but now i am a tough fucking woman.
isn’t that who i want to be?
so maybe, as awful as my life has been, it has all been for a reason.

also, speaking of unintended paths & happenstance, this portrait may have been completely different if there had not appeared a small grease mark on my otherwise pristine page.
there are few things that irk me more than grease stains.
so after fretting about it a bit, i drew a flower on it.
then i drew another flower.
and another….
happenstance. that’s a good word.

the first page
in a fresh
journal
a new day

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in the stars

i will let you in on a secret
i don’t always like my artwork
sometimes i really don’t like
my stuff.
but this one…
this one
this one i really like.
and i grumped at iggy
because while the ink stains were still drying
in my journal
on my desk
aka the no-go-zone
iggy reached across my desk
reached across my journal
reached across my wet ink
where i could already see two faces forming
he reached across
and smudged the art.

but the faces still formed
because…
well,
do you believe in destiny?
it’s in the stars

i like this inking.
the baby reminds me of my koala bear baby
poppy
i swear that kid is part koala bear
he can cling like nobody’s business.

they say the last child
knows he is the baby
and tries to stay the baby as long as possible.

i miss my kids.
i don’t mind being alone,
but i miss them.
they are so much a part of me.
they don’t define me…
they just make me better.
like the nougat in chocolate.
i miss my kids like chocolate
misses the nougat.

but we will be back together soon.
it is in the stars.

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